Today, my godmother informed me that the rule of thumb my ex had used for our relationship during a year of cohabitation was taken directly from a Cesar Millan book on "How to train dogs." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my ex adopted a dog from the dog pound. It was the same dog he made me get rid of while we were still together. FML
Today, my dog tore up a single book from the dozens within his reach. That book was titled "How to Train Your Dog". FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, I took my dog to the vet and she was diagnosed with obesity. The vet then told me that dogs usually imitate their owners eating and behavior habits. FML
Today, my girlfriend, who is a dog trainer, was telling me all about the techniques she uses at work. I commented on how the dogs must be stupid to fall for such simple tricks, to which she replied, "They worked on you." FML
Today, I went to a friend's wedding and was seated at a table with a bunch of strangers. To break the ice, I told a funny story about my dog. Turns out one of the guests is an animal behaviorist and spent the next hour explaining how I’ve been raising him all wrong. Thanks for the unsolicited advice during cocktail hour. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I spent 30 minutes listening to my grandmother telling us that my cat is a medium. My boyfriend is totally convinced. FML
Today, it seemed like my new boyfriend worked wonders training my puppy. Now she listens, doesn’t bark and doesn’t chew everything to bits anymore. I was very impressed, until my boyfriend told me beating a dog until it behaves works every time. My dog isn’t trained; she’s too terrified to move. FML
Today, I found out why my girlfriend has been angry with me ever since I moved in with her. Apparently, she is pissed that I taught her cat how to play fetch and keep treating him like a dog. FML
Today, I realised my dad speaks to me the same way he speaks to my dog when she's done something bad. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
playnejayne 0
"Rule of thumb" comes from an old British law that states a man cannot hit his wife with anything wider than his thumb.
Poke_my_mon 0
Yeah, Wikipedia is TOTALLY inaccurate because "anyone can edit it". Yes, anyone can edit it, but unless it's backed up by a credible source, it won't be allowed by administrators. And, if it is, there is a note that says "This is not information from a credible source" ir "Citation needed". People who hate on Wikipedia for that reason are ignorant.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (66)
Kerryyy 0
Like an episode of The Big Bang Theory..
playnejayne 0
"Rule of thumb" comes from an old British law that states a man cannot hit his wife with anything wider than his thumb.
micci1979 0
While rumor has it that the "rule of thumb" refers to an old law regarding wife-beating, that theory has been discredited. Wikipedia states it more likely refers to using your thumb to measure out an approximate inch. You could beat your wife with whatever you liked.
bahdspeler 0
If your thumb is only one inch long, you are weird.
Jrook 0
yeah wikipedia... you say that as if it were credible
dsrs3777 0
Micci1979 Are you aware of the fact that wikipedia can be edited by anyone? I could write that Elvis was alive and living in my basement. Please don't cite it as a credible source...
Poke_my_mon 0
Yeah, Wikipedia is TOTALLY inaccurate because "anyone can edit it". Yes, anyone can edit it, but unless it's backed up by a credible source, it won't be allowed by administrators. And, if it is, there is a note that says "This is not information from a credible source" ir "Citation needed". People who hate on Wikipedia for that reason are ignorant.
micci1979 0
You could also try phrases.org.uk, or dictionary.reference.com if Wiki doesn't suit you. Says the same thing. :)
afarr 0
umm. no it doesnt
afarr 0
Thats bullcrap. Shawie
CyclonePsycho 1
Wikipedia is pretty credible. Sure, using it as a source for reasearch papers and such will net you an F, but Wikipedia is great if you need general information. Every time someone edits a page, it is checked over by patrollers. Vandalism is usually fixed in less than an hour. Unfortunately, that particular article on Wikipedia needs additional sources and stuff. So use that information at your own risk.
a1s 3
I always thought "rule of thumb" referred to direction of magnetic lines in relation to the direction of electric current and... err... something or other, from physics class. It would always amazed me how something like that would make it into colloquial speech.
wildmonkey 16
Wikipedia also said polar bears live in the jungle. You can't trust sites anyone can change.
oh_darling 0
My dad uses his principles on his assistant managers at work! Be the pack leader! :D
Jimboom 12
Well you really should have guessed that was the case when she started balancing treats on your nose.
Oista 0
She?
3_Kitten_3 0
I'm sorry, this fml just made me laugh. I am sorry though, at least he is now your ex
pjfromok 0
That is shallow. What matters the technique that is used as long as their is LOVE and TRUST.
GeorgeBoosh 0
Cesar's technique's don't even work properly on dogs (check his bandages in the TV clips). So why IS he your ex? LOL
anela_fml 0
you never asked?!!
Rota 0
Women need to be trained like dogs. It's all their simple minds can understand.
mmlprsh 0
I thought that was men...
joshhh11 0
no, women are extremely complicated beings that need to be very carefully tricked into doing things!
missey_jey 0
@7 your sexist and stupid to say at the least. you need to be careful about what you put on the internet.
Titanus 0
I like your profile picture. but honestly? that could be the mostbsexist thing i've ever heard...
bluebellchimes 15
What you said was mean and sexist. This isn't the olden days where women were treated like dogs. This is the 21st century. Women are equal of men and if you can't get that into your brain. Then your gonna have a hard time coping in life seeing all these free women
Fling13 0
Well apparently it worked...
ianformean 0
But did your leesh fit properly? Did he take your temperature with his big fat thermometer?
Shmeaty 0
this is taken from another previous fml. and yes, this can only happen once, therefore this fml is fake.