Today, my girlfriend talked me into tanning in a tanning bed for the first time ever. I have never tanned before and didn't know you are supposed to ease into it. I tanned for 15 minutes in the "super bed" and have lobstered. My ass and nuts got the worst of it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I used a tanning bed for the first time ever, in an attempt to get a base tan for the summer. No one bothered to warn me that you shouldn't go the full ten minutes your first time. Now my skin is as red as my hair. FML
Today, I used the tanning booth for the first time. Not only was I so white that I received first-degree burns all over my body, but I also forgot to remove my knee-high socks. FML
Today, I got a spray tan for the first time. Naked, I climbed into the booth. When the machine started I became frightened by the loud roar of the spray and couldn't breathe. I pissed myself out of fear. I now have river-like streaks down both legs where the pee washed my tan away. FML
Today, I tried a self-tanner in an attempt to rid myself of my ghost-white legs. I got my wish, but instead of a warm golden tan, I have red, swollen, lobster-like marks sticking out from the bottom half of my torso. FML
Today, I went to the tanning bed. I laid down in the bed and turned it on and the fan started blowing. There was a terrible smell and I thought it was the person before me. Then I realized it was just the fan blowing my sweaty feet towards my face. FML
Today, I used a tanning bed at my local gym for the first time. I went in for the full allowed time of 9 minutes. I went to school after and everybody said I looked like Trump. Confused, I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. My skin is orange and matches with my bleach blonde hair. FML
Today, I went to get my spray tan before my semi-formal. After I applied lotion to the bottom of my feet as instructed, I went in the booth and began to start the tanning session. I lost my balance and fell right as the machine began to spray. I look like a spotted cheetah. FML
Today, I went to a tanning salon. I guess nobody mentioned that you have to lift your fat rolls or you'll end up with weird stripes where the spray never reached. FML
Today, I decided to try a self-tanning lotion my friend had recommended. I put it on, and decided to take a nap. I woke up later and checked myself in the mirror, expecting to see a new, more tanned version of myself. I didn't. I'm now orange. FML
Today, a day after I went to the beach and fell asleep in the sun without applying sunscreen, I woke up to find myself looking like a lobster, with the worst tan lines possible. On top of that, I had to go to a wedding, and when I walked in, my cousin asked if I had “taken a bath in some tomato soup.” FML
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Top comments
reki_fml 0
Fast track to skin cancer.
tiemoon37 0
that's definitely your girlfriends fault! as a punishment, she will have to walk around next to you :)
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Comments (160)
Zenma 0
If you tanned like a normal human being that wouldn't happen in the first place... YDI
hahasuckers 0
How does that POSSIBLY make sense?
Zenma 0
Is the concept too hard to grasp? He hadn't tanned in a tanning bed before, and he didn't have a clue what he was doing... If he had tanned NORMALLY, as in in the SUN, like a NORMAL person would do, then he wouldn't have burnt balls. D-O Y-O-U U-N-D-E-R-S-T-A-N-D?
MeganH0LLYW00D 0
Lol! Normal? I'm pretty normal. But I can't tan in the sun. I burnnnn nigga. Tanning booths are just fine. Shut up. x)
lmmmr 0
You're just as likely to get burnt in the sun.
Zenma 0
Lol MeganHOLLYWOOD... You don't have as much melanin in your skin because your of European ancestry which is why you don't get tan in the sun -- You just get burnt. No wonder why you use tanning booths.
uLtra_attitude 0
yeah which is also why you're not allowed to use the N word.
feralphoenix 4
I'm of european ancestry and I get really tan..
sleepyolivia 14
Can you please calm down?
tiemoon37 0
that's definitely your girlfriends fault! as a punishment, she will have to walk around next to you :)
saailaway 0
that suckssssss..
wolftastic 0
you're cute:)
BlackberryStone 0
Aww FYL... but YDI!
gcristina17 0
hahaha wooow im feeling it for your manhood, hahahah
FlyMeToTheMoon 0
FYL because you look like a lobster, but seriously, you didn't think to ASK how long you should go on it for?
Humanoid_fml 0
The problem wasn't that he was in there too long; it was that he used a "super" bed when he had never tanned before. I don't get why there are so many YDIs... there's no way he would have known, and either his girlfriend or someone that worked at the salon should have told him.
reki_fml 0
Fast track to skin cancer.
scorpioserpent 1
agreed, I would never use the tanning salon. YDI
harlehatschi 0
why the hell were you tanning naked, instead of wearing a male gstring or something? not to mention tanning beds give a lot of people skin cancer
SiLveRStaRLIGHT 0
I agree. You just had radiation beamed into your skin. I'd worry about skin cancer, and then the burned balls and ass.
weeeezy 0
most people tan naked? no tan lines....one of the points of a tanning bed.
Mykeh 0
Hey Mr Lobster! Wow, your balls felt the heat? Hopefully your girlfriend will eat your balls like she would eat a lobster to make it up to you.
treli1593 0
ouch you mean break everything open and chew on the insides? There's something wrong with you dude. I don't know what type of fetish you have but if I were you, I'd see a psychiatrist. Oh and OP: YDI for not going out to the beach or something
mclayton37 0
Some aloe vera gently applied to the nutsack will cure what ails ya..