Today, my girlfriend talked me into tanning in a tanning bed for the first time ever. I have never tanned before and didn't know you are supposed to ease into it. I tanned for 15 minutes in the "super bed" and have lobstered. My ass and nuts got the worst of it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I used a tanning bed for the first time ever, in an attempt to get a base tan for the summer. No one bothered to warn me that you shouldn't go the full ten minutes your first time. Now my skin is as red as my hair. FML
Today, I used the tanning booth for the first time. Not only was I so white that I received first-degree burns all over my body, but I also forgot to remove my knee-high socks. FML
Today, I got a spray tan for the first time. Naked, I climbed into the booth. When the machine started I became frightened by the loud roar of the spray and couldn't breathe. I pissed myself out of fear. I now have river-like streaks down both legs where the pee washed my tan away. FML
Today, I tried a self-tanner in an attempt to rid myself of my ghost-white legs. I got my wish, but instead of a warm golden tan, I have red, swollen, lobster-like marks sticking out from the bottom half of my torso. FML
Today, I went to the tanning bed. I laid down in the bed and turned it on and the fan started blowing. There was a terrible smell and I thought it was the person before me. Then I realized it was just the fan blowing my sweaty feet towards my face. FML
Today, I used a tanning bed at my local gym for the first time. I went in for the full allowed time of 9 minutes. I went to school after and everybody said I looked like Trump. Confused, I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. My skin is orange and matches with my bleach blonde hair. FML
Today, I went to get my spray tan before my semi-formal. After I applied lotion to the bottom of my feet as instructed, I went in the booth and began to start the tanning session. I lost my balance and fell right as the machine began to spray. I look like a spotted cheetah. FML
Today, I went to a tanning salon. I guess nobody mentioned that you have to lift your fat rolls or you'll end up with weird stripes where the spray never reached. FML
Today, I decided to try a self-tanning lotion my friend had recommended. I put it on, and decided to take a nap. I woke up later and checked myself in the mirror, expecting to see a new, more tanned version of myself. I didn't. I'm now orange. FML
Today, a day after I went to the beach and fell asleep in the sun without applying sunscreen, I woke up to find myself looking like a lobster, with the worst tan lines possible. On top of that, I had to go to a wedding, and when I walked in, my cousin asked if I had “taken a bath in some tomato soup.” FML
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Top comments
reki_fml 0
Fast track to skin cancer.
tiemoon37 0
that's definitely your girlfriends fault! as a punishment, she will have to walk around next to you :)
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Comments (160)
GrapefruitZoe 0
Tanning beds aren't healthy, dude... Sorry 'bout that. Noxema!
disgruntled_stdt 0
The best part is OP's username - Crispy.
AshleyRose784 0
Cocoa butter and aloe, lots of it
mikew85 0
your girlfriend sounds like a self-concious bitch. people who tan a lot, in my experience are very stuck up and fake in other ways too. normally I'd mock you for doing something you don't want to because someone bugged you about it... but girlfriends can make your life miserable if you don't do what they ask! either get a new girlfriend or talk to this one and lay down the law. you don't want to get a tan because you don't feel the need to, and if she disagrees she can hit the bricks!
1234five 0
That's why u start off with 6 minutes and ease ur way up to 15. The person working there should have told u that
fxdxhk90 0
ydi for letting your girlfriend talk you intp doing something this stupid. Grow some balls and refuse next time.
Rockyio 0
LoL...I would say you deserve it, although I myself have done this, only difference being I am a hairy guy so I had also decided to nair myself before hand..... being burnts to shit with fresh hairs growing in is much much worse. FYL...and mine lol
rickyrescue 0
youre an idiot, and a pussy for listening to your girlfriend.
jessiebare 0
why do you need to pay for skin cancer when you can get it for free?
BleedingAssassin 0
if ur balls are not set at optimal temperature, then ur sperms are all dead