Today my daughter asked me to do her a huge favor : undergo a liposuction transplantation where my fat would be sucked out then put into her butt and thighs. Apparently, I am the fattest DNA match to her, lessening the risk of her rejecting the transplant. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I told my mom I want to get liposuction. She said "Whats the point? Its not like you can get lipo on your face!". FML
Today, my sister-in-law announced she would like me to be her surrogate, so that her body doesn't look like a stretched wobbly mess after childbirth. Apparently, I'm a perfect candidate, as "we won't see a difference." FML
Today, my daughter expressed wanting to lose weight so I took her to a licensed dietician nutritionist to get her a healthy eating plan, and even made her an appointment with a personal trainer to get her on track. I walked in on her eating a whole box of laxatives, because "this way is faster." FML
Today, my mother told me I've gained so much weight recently, she thinks I should get gastric bypass surgery. FML
Today, my mother offered to give my overweight girlfriend the workout DVDs that she no longer needs. FML
Today, I met one of my fiancé's coworkers. Normally I'd never ask how far along someone's pregnancy is without being 100% sure they're not just fat, but she seemed fit. Well, I now know that virtually all the fat in some people's bodies can go straight to their gut and nowhere else. FML
Today, my patient, a chubby little girl, stood on a scale to measure her weight. She was 5 years-old and weighed 65 lbs. I started giving her advice on eating healthy: fruits, vegetables, and more greens. She turned to her mother with shocked look and said, "But mommy, the doctor is fat too!" FML
Today, I tried to nicely talk to my daughter about her rapid weight gain. Having a family history of weight-related illness, I felt it was necessary. I offered to get thyroid tests, teach her to buy healthy food, and start routine exercise. She told everyone I called her a cow and had fat-shamed her. FML
Today, a woman asked why my daughter doesn't look remotely like me. I just smiled and shrugged it off, but the truth is that she looks exactly like I did before I got my botched plastic surgery. FML
Today, I found out my mom has been telling my entire family I need surgery on my "Labia" instead of my "Labrum". I went from needing shoulder surgery to needing vagina surgery with one group text. Thanks, mom. FML
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Top comments
Tripartita 45
"I get my rockin' bod from my mom." "Yeah, genetics are pretty cool." "You misunderstand me…"
coolmike699 26
Is she paying for it? If someone wanted some of my fat, they could have it as long as I didn't have to pay anything. That's a win for both of us.
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Comments (40)
crookedtiles 9
does anyone else think having your mother's fat inside of you is really weird and creepy?
Koatai 20
You do know you were made inside your (biologically speaking) mother right? So how is having part of her in you weird when you literally came out of her?
shellzy 20
...you need to have a serious conversation with your daughter about how transplants work. And, you know, tact.
ReineRien 5
How is that a FML ? Free lipo? And i get to make incredible puns after that? "she gets her thighs from me" / "my kid is, in my heart, and i'm , literally, in her butt" ... that's a life goal!
peachykeen93 17
Oh, give her time, she'll get her own eventually.
I_Am_The_Cold 19
Maybe if she did some squats and felt the burn a few days a week, she'd have a healthy butt with some rockin' thighs. Nobody likes a skinny girl with huge thighs, everyone likes proportion.
DoomedGemini 38
You do realize some girls probably have that body type right? Some women have a larger waist some women have a larger chest. People come in different shapes and sizes and that's 100% okay
kashers 11
Hey! Kill two birds with one stone!
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
I've been trying to get rid of that useless fat for years. And now it's asked me to undergo liposuction for it.
Birdie27 11
Working out adds muscle. if she wants fat, take her to McDonalds 5 times a day.
Cagara_fml 10
Wait, are you Marla singer's mom?
bnasty206 7
why does marla singer have anything to do with this
izzajaneful 24
Because her mother gave her the fat removed from her liposuctions to put into Marla's body.
tumtum888 12
Your daughter needs to do more research into this type of thing. They usually use your own fat, not someone else's. They just tell you to put on about 10 lbs of so