Today my daughter asked me to do her a huge favor : undergo a liposuction transplantation where my fat would be sucked out then put into her butt and thighs. Apparently, I am the fattest DNA match to her, lessening the risk of her rejecting the transplant. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I told my mom I want to get liposuction. She said "Whats the point? Its not like you can get lipo on your face!". FML
Today, my sister-in-law announced she would like me to be her surrogate, so that her body doesn't look like a stretched wobbly mess after childbirth. Apparently, I'm a perfect candidate, as "we won't see a difference." FML
Today, my daughter expressed wanting to lose weight so I took her to a licensed dietician nutritionist to get her a healthy eating plan, and even made her an appointment with a personal trainer to get her on track. I walked in on her eating a whole box of laxatives, because "this way is faster." FML
Today, my mother told me I've gained so much weight recently, she thinks I should get gastric bypass surgery. FML
Today, my mother offered to give my overweight girlfriend the workout DVDs that she no longer needs. FML
Today, I met one of my fiancé's coworkers. Normally I'd never ask how far along someone's pregnancy is without being 100% sure they're not just fat, but she seemed fit. Well, I now know that virtually all the fat in some people's bodies can go straight to their gut and nowhere else. FML
Today, my patient, a chubby little girl, stood on a scale to measure her weight. She was 5 years-old and weighed 65 lbs. I started giving her advice on eating healthy: fruits, vegetables, and more greens. She turned to her mother with shocked look and said, "But mommy, the doctor is fat too!" FML
Today, I tried to nicely talk to my daughter about her rapid weight gain. Having a family history of weight-related illness, I felt it was necessary. I offered to get thyroid tests, teach her to buy healthy food, and start routine exercise. She told everyone I called her a cow and had fat-shamed her. FML
Today, a woman asked why my daughter doesn't look remotely like me. I just smiled and shrugged it off, but the truth is that she looks exactly like I did before I got my botched plastic surgery. FML
Today, I found out my mom has been telling my entire family I need surgery on my "Labia" instead of my "Labrum". I went from needing shoulder surgery to needing vagina surgery with one group text. Thanks, mom. FML
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Top comments
Tripartita 45
"I get my rockin' bod from my mom." "Yeah, genetics are pretty cool." "You misunderstand me…"
coolmike699 26
Is she paying for it? If someone wanted some of my fat, they could have it as long as I didn't have to pay anything. That's a win for both of us.
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Comments (40)
Razell 13
Hand her a quart of ice-cream and tell her to make her own.
Tomato_Cheese 22
Usually you don't want FAT there, try getting her to build some muscle there.
nmrhog 15
If she is paying for it, hey free lipo. If she wants you to pay for it yourself, then **** that bitch.