Today, my cousin started sending sarcastic love messages to me. I replied, with even cheesier lines. Then she rang me saying she was so glad I felt the same way. Turns out she wasn't being sarcastic. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got a mass message on WhatsApp from my extended family about my cousin’s engagement. Trying to be funny, I replied, “Wow, can’t wait to see how long this one lasts.” I thought I was sending it to my brother. Only my brother. I sent it to the whole family group. Including my cousin. And her fiancé. FML
Today, I received a friend request on Facebook. I didn't know her, but she was cute, so I accepted the request. After looking at her pictures, I sent her a message saying "What's up cutie, do I know you?". She responded "Yes, I'm your cousin". FML
Today, I woke up in a good mood, and I excitedly shared with my mom that I was in a "wonderful mood." Her response was to yell at me because she’s "had it with my fucking sarcasm." She refuses to believe I wasn’t being sarcastic. Day ruined. FML
Today, I got a text from a cousin thanking me for always being nice to her. Bear in mind that this “cousin” basically bullied me as a child, all while I looked up to her. She’s gone through a very rough time recently, so I thought she'd sent me someone else’s text by mistake and I told her so. She replied, “No.” FML
Today, I sent a group text round to my friends asking if they wanted to hang out sometime. One of my friends thought this was aimed directly at her and confessed her love for me. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend what she loves the most about me. She said it's the fact that I look like her cousin. FML
Today, I sent a love letter I'd written meant for my crush to a friend so she could evaluate my prose before I actually sent it to him. For some reason, my emotions got the best of me, and I mistakenly CC'd my mom. She replied with three crying-with-laughter emojis. FML
Today, I sent a romantic, flirty text to my boyfriend. A few minutes later, I got a reply from… my mom, saying, “I don’t think this was meant for me, but thanks for making my day awkward.” FML
Today, I saw an adorable girl at the bar and I went to talk to her. I decided to use my cheesiest pick up line to make her laugh. After I said it, she knew who I was. It was my cousin I hadn't seen in 8 years. FML
Today, I told my cousin that I would gladly help him get through the loss of my aunt. That is until he started flirting with me. FML
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Top comments
saba_ajira 29
Oh damn... Time to explain some things OP
thisiswilli_fml 5
Sounds like you guys will have an awkward moment during Christmas parties this year.
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Comments (90)
dingleberrysteve 6
so like first cousin or second cousin? cuz you can totally marry your second cousin
xnyletak 17
First cousins can marry in some states too, but God knows why.
NandaPanda 22
72- first cousins can only legally marry in Alabama or West Virginia. Second cousins can legally marry in any state. Just thought I'd be more specific =)
LifeOfAnRN 18
Actually, first cousins can marry in 25 states in the US. This was also common practice with royalty. And when you think about it, the world didn't start out over populated... So everyone's ancestors were CLOSELY related.
DracoSpirita 21
124 - Oh god now I feel ashamed to live in West Virginia... The land of rednecks, Buck Wild, and, apparently, incest.
RadicalViews 6
You all saw that OP was from the UK right? US laws don't really apply in this situation.
perdix 31
You two will have a great life together. I'm sure your kids are really going find it easy to express themselves sincerely. You are so lucky to find love in such a romantic way. Please invite me to your wedding ... It would be the biggest honor in my life.
Welshite 40
You were invited to my wedding, but you never showed. All I needed was a randy uncle to pinch the girls' bottoms. You had one job, perdix!
DocBastard 40
Hmm...my Sarcasmometer is screeching right now. I can't figure out why.
RileyTheCoyote 6
Perdix is just wishing the happy couple a nice life- why would you think that's sarcastic? ;P
perdix 31
Yeah, Doc, would you please explain to the nice young lady why you think I'm being sarcastic? You may support your thesis with examples :)
bfsd42 20
I'm pretty sure the nice young lady was being sarcastic too.
laylarose1396 7
Like I said before, you're dumb.
warehouse_rat 8
When i want to hear shit expressed i will go drop the cosby kids at the pool ty #96 keep up the great work PERDIX & DOCBASTARD many holiday greeting to you both.
Aspireworks 12
The eloquence of 13-year-olds never ceases to amaze me. Please don't call me dumb, too :(
ZY1431 24
well that's a hard one to explain
chelsea_liz 6
OP - does this make you worriedly analyze all the past times you and your cousin spent time together? Also, are you male or female?
Kiki242 19
This is why we need a font for sarcasm.
falon142012 22
Well there is the SarcMark. It's a little symbol you can download to use when you're being sarcastic. But I agree, there should be a different font!
laden_swallow09 35
How's about /sarcasm ?
SmokinGuns 13
Italicize
skyttlz 32
I've seen someone use ~ marks around sarcasm
acoustics 18
This is a prime example of why online/text communication desperately needs a font specifically for sarcasm.
NightHawk387 22
No, sarcasm is good; Comic Sans is never acceptable.
WolfGirlRin 12
Italics could work.
foxy_grampa 19
Well that's just a awkward. For your sake, I'm just hoping there's no blood relation just so it wouldn't be as bad. But still, that is all just very strange
hunts19ketchup 23
#23, OP said "my cousin". That usually implies blood relation...
MzZombicidal 36
Or, you know, they could be married in...
glabberfasted 16
Both my cousins were adopted, so I'm not blood related to them at all. It's not uncommon.
Zebediabolical 45
Do you know how many places in the UK it's illegal to have sex with a first cousin? ZERO!
gracehi 33
Hey, Queen Victoria married her cousin. I bet if she saw some of these comments she'd say, "We are not amused!"
Enslaved 38
Queen Victoria-- the one that started the tradition that wedding dresses were to be "white" to represent purity? She married her 1st cousin? Interesting to know.
gracehi 33
I don't recall if he was her 1st cousin or not, but he was her cousin.
gracehi 33
It's important to note, though, that marriages between cousins were socially acceptable back then, especially among royalty, who wanted to keep their royal blood "pure." I seem to recall that her husband was a German prince of some sort. Maybe a duke or an earl or something.
logankyng 15
Nothing like a nice swim in your own gene pool. Use protection
ThatsMyPie 20
Incest is wincest.