Today, my co-worker and I got into an argument. It ended with him threatening me to roll my balls with a paint roller until they looked like "fresh, popping doughs". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I visited a friend at work with a couple of other friends. We like to play pranks, so we went to his register and started loudly discussing our masturbation habits as a joke. Some bitch complained, and his boss fired him and kicked us all out. FML
Today, I was carrying a stack of paperwork at work, when my pen rolled off and onto the floor. As soon as I bent down to pick it up, a nearby co-worker, who's always hated me, accused me of putting on a show and sexually harassing him. He actually followed up by reporting me to HR. FML
Today, I found out that my coworker shared a laugh with the boss about setting the office desk on fire (which he actually did), while ten minutes later I was threatened with being fired because I made paper snowflakes and hung a few of them next to the computer. FML
Today, my disgusting coworker made a comment about "women versus accountability" and I couldn't even yell at him for being a sexist scumbucket, because my wife threw coffee at me yesterday for pointing out that she'd left the chips open and they went stale. FML
Today, a customer threatened to smash my face in because I wouldn't give him a veteran's discount on a donut. He looked like he'd eaten his way out of fat camp, and it seemed the only action he'd seen was fighting his way into a lard factory. Still, he swung fast, and I now have a black eye. FML
Today, I tried to break up a fight between two of my coworkers. They decided to show their gratitude by smashing me in the face with a thick ceramic dish. FML
Today, my co-worker threw a rubber mallet at my face, and I broke my finger in the process of saving my face. She then told me to "take it up with HR, bitch". She's the HR manager. FML
Today, at work I was bored so I started to doodle on MS paint. My boss walks by and asks me to join him in his office. When I do so, he fires me for drawing offensive material. I drew a rainbow. FML
Today, at work, I was talking to a colleague about what the worst pain he ever experienced was. He said his was being bitten by a dog, and I said I didn't know. Next thing, I was kicked in the balls from a behind by another work colleague. She said, "What about that?" I agreed, it was. FML
Today, my boss sent me to a meeting with a client I've never met to do some damage control and renegotiate his contract. For two hours, he alternated between threatening to sue us, and making vulgar comments about raping me in his office. FML
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Top comments
ellyhan 11
Well, that got my attention.
xStarzx 11
That's a little harsh
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Comments (31)
xStarzx 11
That's a little harsh
ellyhan 11
Well, that got my attention.
Imhere4fml 24
What was the argument about?
slingerslasher 24
about how OPs balls would look like fresh, popping doughs if flattened by a paint roller
FYLTHOUGH 15
some peoples brains work in mysterious ways
ChocolateScyther 19
the inner machinations of my mind are an enigma.
RetroGameNinja 7
This has no likes? smh
BiGTiMeNeRD 29
Do you guys work at Subway by chance? Because that's exactly how they makes their bread every morning.
False_Stupidity 42
They use paint rollers at Subway?
Symba_fml 14
They use testicles at Subway?
BiGTiMeNeRD 29
Yes, how do you think they get the salt exactly right?
BiGTiMeNeRD 29
And it's not exactly paint, I hear it's in fact rubber.
emeraldisle 30
I don't even have balls but I still cringed at this.
v4valour 15
You do, they're just higher up
hfslkp47012759 28
...no.
Ayasha_fml 12
emerald, hope you are never made more aware of your internal egg sacs Picture it, Sicily, 2000s. I'm on my period, and my best friend's bro and I were hanging out. He's mentally special (no really, not being mean) and gets into a feisty rambunctious boy mood. He asks if I want to fight or wrestle and I say no but he starts punching and kicking anyway. Guess where they landed? I was also average to thin so there wasn't really much fat to pad it. Just skin, muscle, and squishy organs. I started crying and went inside and only then did it get through his head that he screwed up. He apologized but ugh. I can sympathize with guys. I went to my knees, cried, and felt like puking. That's how hard the impact was. I did try to block but it just caught me off guard.
Sora_McKain 36
#21 is your name Sophia?
brainymes 30
Ow. Just.. Ow. So much cringe.
AndrewMoreira14 19
I don't know what type of dough he's seen in his life but that's a little too much lmao
trellz17 19
A threat that creative? He's been waiting to use that on someone.
Hunter_the_Ninja 22
That's a very specific scenario... Watch out OP!