Today, it was my first day at the fire station. Naturally, we all went out and got lunch together. I normally don't handle spicy food well, but sucked it up. About ten minutes after we finished, I got up to do rookie duties when someone slapped me in the back. I forcefully vomited all over my new Lieutenant. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it's my third day at work and the hazing finally began. After a few rounds of "punch the new guy", I thought I would finally be safe because the manager walked into the kitchen. He saw what was going on, picked up a handful of ketchup packets, and began throwing them at me. FML
Today, I was feeling sick but went into my waitressing job because I'd already missed 3 days this week. I was dizzy and managed to spill a tray of drinks all over the customers. Then, when their food was done, I tripped and spilled hot chili all over the man's lap. FML
Today, I had a stomach bug, but despite it I swallowed a mouthful of habanero sauce on a dare. I ended up projectile vomiting on a wall outside, lost my sense of balance and fell over on the sidewalk, almost blacked out from the tightness in my chest, and had to refuse an ambulance that somebody had called. All for $5. FML
Today, I attended my first meeting with my bosses. For lunch we went to a restaurant. I choked on a piece of meat and couldn't breathe anymore. I had to take that piece of meat out of my throat with my fingers, and then put it back on my plate all chewed up. FML
Today, I was training for my new job at a restaurant. As part of training, they give you free food so you know what to recommend, and the dish I got was really good. Eight hours later I saw it again while I was puking. I got food poisoning from my own workplace. FML
Today, my boss held my hair while I threw up. It's day two on the job. FML
Today, at my first day of work, I was impressing my trainer with my skills by carrying many trays at once. Well, I could until I came around a corner and ran into a customer. With food all over his front, he introduced himself to me as the head manager. FML
Today, I was at my job as a dental assistant and I was told to take an X-ray of a woman's teeth. As soon as I put the foam piece into her mouth, she projectile-vomited all over me and the floor. I had just started my 5-hour shift. FML
Today, at my new job, some juvenile cockbite spiked my food with a laxative, as part of some kind of bizarre hazing ritual. The bastard got ratted out and suspended, but my arsehole now feels like it's been blown apart by a nuclear warhead. I thought this shit only happened in movies. FML
Today, I was helping this girl to the nurse’s office because she was so sick that she could barely walk. About halfway there, she stopped and vomited on me. My jaw was dropped in shock when she threw up on me again. A little went into my mouth. FML
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Top comments
DoingItWrong 0
Aww ... you didn't even make it to the ritualized hazing later in the day =(
Peroxide 3
That's the least of your troubles. Fortunately your firefighter training will come in handy later when you shit fire.
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Comments (43)
meezer008 0
i read "rookie duties" as "dookie duties"...thats where i thought he was goin with this lol
Cristaderzi 0
Legally no they cant make him. But when he finds himself isolated and then with NO backup on emergencies, he'll either quit or get killed! He has to suck it up and play along eventually he will have grown past his probie stage and then he can eat/do whatever he wants albeit!
Jizzylol 0
learn how to use albeit please
kaonashi_fml 0
YDI for eating the spicy food. You knew you risked that when you ate it, so suck it up and don't complain.
MouseyN 0
I don't think they would've isolated him in a fire for not eating spicy food, but he'll definitely be the butt of the joke for a while. Not the best thing to be in a macho place like the fire station. Sorry about your hazing man.
shooter308 0
Well, don't eat that shit. Just tell your company it makes you sick and you know when you eat it your going to catch a fire and puke in your mask. Then they give you shit and you deal with it. Your going to get messed with no matter what. Having a nickname like "shit break" isn't that bad. That was mine for a while, and that was after my probationary period.
Aj_teh_cool 0
1's post is funnier than the actual fml, lol
Witchcraft_fml 5
Well with people that can't handle spicy foods well, it's usually either vomit or diarrhea, so take your pick!
perdix 31
You din't mention hitting the once-in-a-lifetime (hopefully) jackpot of both. Especially when the two urges surge simultaneously. You got to see if you have the skills to sit there and hope you can puke between your legs without hitting your crotch. The other alternative will require a clean-up even in the best-case scenario.
Witchcraft_fml 5
If someone has the stomach to handle diarrhea and nausea at the same time until they reach a toilet, they should be able to handle anything! Go out and become a superhero, bullets to the head will tickle! I think, though, that imagining the coinciding vomit/diarrhea splattering sounds will haunt me forever.
Witchcraft_fml 5
Except for the Martians who translate that scream into giggles! Hopefully that guy didn't have a chance to breathe through his nose while he had his head between his legs, otherwise it might have induced more vomiting!
TheKitsune 0
Why didn't you just eat something you could handle?
greent_fml 0
if your throw up got in the LT's mustache consider yourself unemployed.
BunnyDrastic 0
Oh damn!