Today, it's the 8th day in a row that my mother-in-law has made me drink laxative tea. I still haven't pooped yet and I'm terrified of what's to come. FML
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Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom was acting really pissy, and I couldn't help but mutter that she must be on her period. Five hours later, I'm glued to the toilet with my phone, because she went all out for revenge and spiked my dinner with some hellishly potent kind of laxative. FML
Today, I finally got over a long bout of constipation. I was scared to ask my mom for laxatives because I had the feeling she would tell all her friends, but on the 6th day of absolutely no bowel movements, I caved. I later overheard my mom telling all her friends. FML
Today, I was constipated and so desperate to go that I ate an entire box of laxatives. Now I'm in the hospital on a saline drip for dehydration and malnutrition, in addition to getting a massive enema and having the most agonizing shit of my life. FML
Today, I had to bail on yet another date with an awesome guy. Every time I make a date, my hateful mother slips laxatives into my food so I'm glued to the shitter until 2am. This is the fourth time. FML
Today, I was given a powerful laxative to clear me out. I can't go to the bathroom because the four guests of my sleeping roommate are all sitting in dead silence against the paper-thin bathroom wall. FML
Today, I had to take a laxative for the first time. Instead of working gently overnight like it promised, I woke up at 3 a.m. to an unrelenting river of shit that made my legs numb on the toilet. FML
Today, I found out that since no other procedures are working, I was required to stop eating, and drink a bunch of foul tasting "goo", which will in turn give me constant diarrhea. This will then prepare me nicely for the long tube with a camera on the end of which will be shoved up my rectum. FML
Today, I had planned to do a twenty-minute colon cleanse enema for weight loss. Instead, I woke up in the middle of the night with uncontrollable diarrhea that’s still going strong. Eight hours and counting. FML
Today, thinking he was being so hilarious, my friend slipped me enough laxatives to make a horse shit its intestines out. I haven't been able to move from the toilet for over an hour. FML
Today, my obsessive-compulsive mother barred me from using the toilet she had just cleaned. She told me to wait until tomorrow. FML
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Top comments
UltimateBob 11
What's to come is the hospital, because 8 days is long enough to be a sign of something seriously wrong
VeryTiredMomof3 17
Go see a doctor?
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Comments (32)
sousaphonist 14
Laxative tea or no, you should've gone to the hospital after not pooping for FOUR days
RpiesSPIES 27
If you're taking any pain medication, stop. They can cause constipation.
RabbitOfAurora 28
I was in this exact position, and let me just say that the 6 days of constipation was worth the relief the pain pills brought. Hell, because it was my back that was ****** up and any slight movement caused me excruciating pain, the constipation was even welcome because it meant not having to get up to poop.
Ashley613 9
In the future try coffee or apple juice. They work magic on the system.
shade34 19
such things can sometimes have an opposite effect!
JCal585 8
Cheap beer usually does the trick for me. Lol
cumminsncope 4
Where will you be, when diarrhea strikes?
Miss_080 21
How are you still alive???
zakariafrench 0
drink some hot water it works very well and it is better than chemicals stuff
zakariafrench 0
drink some hot water it works very well and it is better than chemicals stuff
moondoglou420 17
If laxatives aren't working it likely means that you have a serious intestinal blockage and should really go to the hospital before it ruptures and you quite possibly die from sepsis.