Today, I woke up with the flu. My wife thinks I'm faking it so we don't have to go on date night, even though I've been on the toilet all day. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I avoided having to wash the dishes by faking a cold. My sucker of a wife believed me and hopped off my balls about it. Later on, after I made a miraculous recovery, she told me to take out the trash. It's freezing outside and raining, and I feel a very real cold coming on. FML
Today, I have the flu. I had to wash the dishes, cook dinner, take out the trash, and take care of the laundry, all while my wife sat around watching TV, because she was "too tired". I work 8 hours a day. She's a college student. She doesn't see what's so unfair about this. FML
Today, I have the flu, so I called my boss to let him know I couldn't come in today. He told me to think my "lies" through better, and claimed that you can only get the flu during winter. So I guess I'm faking my pale skin, short breath, runny nose, and constant sneezing. FML
Today, I woke up with a fever, headache and sore throat. All the symptoms of Covid-19. I told my husband, whose responded with, "Sack up and get over yourself." FML
Today, I had a horrible case of the flu. I have a fever of 102 degrees and I can't breathe through my nose. Choosing to sleep it off turns out to be enough for my mom to call me a lazy fuck and scream at me for doing nothing all day. FML
Today, I woke up on my boyfriend's bedroom floor. When I asked him why I was there, he said I'd gotten too hot, so he rolled me off his bed. I have the flu and a fever. FML
Today, I was supposed to work with this girl I really like, but I had the flu really bad. I really really wanted to see her so I forced myself out of bed and went to work feeling terrible but determined to see her face. When I got to work I asked where she was. She had called in sick with the flu. FML
Today, I'm stuck in bed with a fever, aches, and nasty cough. My kids and husband had it too, and kept coughing without covering their mouths, despite my asking several times so I wouldn't get sick. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. When I asked why, she replied with "You don't go out anymore. All you do is lay in bed." I've had the flu for the past week. FML
Today, I had to call out of work because I was ill, but they didn't believe me because today was the day I was supposed to come back from vacation. Now I'm stuck at work, constantly running to the bathroom, and they still won't let me go home. FML
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Top comments
Candijpg 17
date night in a bathroom
Setareh23 34
Wow. Unless you have a habit of faking illnesses or cancelling dates for bogus reasons, it was kinda asshole-ish of him not to trust you. And even then, if you are crying and begging for the hospital, refusing is potentially putting your health at risk due to his own anger. I'm glad he is taking care of you now though...he better have apologized! Anyways, I hope your recovery goes smoothly. Appendicitis seriously sucks! xD
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Comments (56)
penguinprincess5 8
That's not true at all. I won't go to the doctor unless I'm absolutely miserable. If it's something that can be taken care of at home I'm not going to waste the doctors time.
AviShtap 20
Ayy, OP, we're flu buddies!! Hm...I wonder how many people have the flu right now.
tomvertigo 17
Come here, honey. Give me a kiss.
ChiefKoala 30
Next time you feel the urge to go, tell her to come here and shit with the door open(and vomit if you're experiencing that too) while maintaining eye contact.
Rainyknights22 16
Even when you're right, you're wrong.
sweeneytodd6 6
OMG, my sister just got the flu too! Must be going around Michigan :O *It wasn't the stomach flu though...real flu
militarybrat 21
*stomach virus. Fixed.
suckceed 17
Marriage counselling stat, there seems to be sort of breakdown of trust that leads your wife to not believe you.
guttedbrit 26
Been there, myself. Being dragged about while sick. But your wife will realise you're not faking when you're absent most of the time, then maybe she will rethink.
Jessika706 14
Well do you usually complain about date night? There must be a reason why she would think that? I mean really she thinks ur faking being on the toilet???