Today, I woke up with the flu. My wife thinks I'm faking it so we don't have to go on date night, even though I've been on the toilet all day. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I avoided having to wash the dishes by faking a cold. My sucker of a wife believed me and hopped off my balls about it. Later on, after I made a miraculous recovery, she told me to take out the trash. It's freezing outside and raining, and I feel a very real cold coming on. FML
Today, I have the flu. I had to wash the dishes, cook dinner, take out the trash, and take care of the laundry, all while my wife sat around watching TV, because she was "too tired". I work 8 hours a day. She's a college student. She doesn't see what's so unfair about this. FML
Today, I have the flu, so I called my boss to let him know I couldn't come in today. He told me to think my "lies" through better, and claimed that you can only get the flu during winter. So I guess I'm faking my pale skin, short breath, runny nose, and constant sneezing. FML
Today, I woke up with a fever, headache and sore throat. All the symptoms of Covid-19. I told my husband, whose responded with, "Sack up and get over yourself." FML
Today, I had a horrible case of the flu. I have a fever of 102 degrees and I can't breathe through my nose. Choosing to sleep it off turns out to be enough for my mom to call me a lazy fuck and scream at me for doing nothing all day. FML
Today, I woke up on my boyfriend's bedroom floor. When I asked him why I was there, he said I'd gotten too hot, so he rolled me off his bed. I have the flu and a fever. FML
Today, I was supposed to work with this girl I really like, but I had the flu really bad. I really really wanted to see her so I forced myself out of bed and went to work feeling terrible but determined to see her face. When I got to work I asked where she was. She had called in sick with the flu. FML
Today, I'm stuck in bed with a fever, aches, and nasty cough. My kids and husband had it too, and kept coughing without covering their mouths, despite my asking several times so I wouldn't get sick. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. When I asked why, she replied with "You don't go out anymore. All you do is lay in bed." I've had the flu for the past week. FML
Today, I had to call out of work because I was ill, but they didn't believe me because today was the day I was supposed to come back from vacation. Now I'm stuck at work, constantly running to the bathroom, and they still won't let me go home. FML
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Top comments
Candijpg 17
date night in a bathroom
Setareh23 34
Wow. Unless you have a habit of faking illnesses or cancelling dates for bogus reasons, it was kinda asshole-ish of him not to trust you. And even then, if you are crying and begging for the hospital, refusing is potentially putting your health at risk due to his own anger. I'm glad he is taking care of you now though...he better have apologized! Anyways, I hope your recovery goes smoothly. Appendicitis seriously sucks! xD
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Comments (56)
DoomedGemini 38
Is she super paranoid, do you get sick often and have to cancel, or have you tried to fake your way out of dates before, FYL for the first two, YDI if the last.
globulle_fml 4
Call the medic
_awwhellnaw_ 45
If you've faked sick before to get out of dates, YDI. If you haven't, it sucks, I hope you've promised to make it up to her. feel better soon
blissfully_me 16
I'm always curious as to why the americans call gastroenteritis "flu" or "stomach flu". The flu is like a severe cold - congestion, sore throat, muscle aches and pains. It doesn't cause diarrhoea and vomiting.
saffy66 34
I had the same thought. It's always confusing to hear Americans say they have the flu when they're throwing up a storm. I just figured it must be some type of flu we Aussies don't often have over here.
neuronerd 29
American here. I get irritated when someone calls a stomach bug or food poisoning, "the flu." It's like, if a friend or family member tells me they have the flu, I'll bring by tissues and soup, but that'sounds of no help if they're exploding out both ends.
InfiniteSunshine 32
Um, there is such a thing as the stomach flu, in fact gastroenteritis IS the stomach flu and is often just called flu for short. It doesn't have to be just cold symptoms. The flu actually has a variety symptoms and can include, high fever, muscles aches, cough, headache, chills, loss of appetite, sore throat, runny/stuffy nose, stomach ache, diarrhea, and nausea. However, if it's the actual regular flu, and not the stomach flu(gastroenteritis), it will last more than a few days, usually about 7-10. Where's the stomach flu usually lasts only a day or 2. There is no such thing as the "24hr flu," if it only lasts this long, it's most likely food poisoning.
kyu_Q 19
the flu can cause diarrhea which adds to you dehydration. its happened to me before after taking the flu shot.
gracehi 33
Sorry, but your husband sounds like a complete asshole. Apologizing after the fact and taking care of you now is too little too late if you ask me.
Rabite 28
Although you could have just taken a taxi or call the ambulance: Wtf?? This is just horrible. Who enjoys a date night when your partner is sitting there crying and in pain even if it was fake? And who fakes it to the degree of wanting to go to a hospital? This also reminds me a little bit of those studies which say that even doctors don't take women in pain that seriously.
dhiran_singh 16
Tell her to come look in your toilet
Dale_shackleford 13
I've noticed that when it comes to going to the doctors, men tend to be more likely to put it off until they have to be dragged and women will go in for just about everything. Just a broad observation, plenty of people buck the trend, it's just what I've noticed.
angeluscado 15
Whatever you have, it's not the flu. The flu is a respiratory illness. Sorry, but it drives me bonkers when people use "flu" as a catch-all for illnesses. FYL. Your wife's a bitch for not being more understanding.
InfiniteSunshine 32
The flu, while it is a respiratory illness, does not mean it comes with only respiratory symptoms, look up the symptoms of influenza. It can include anything from, high fever, cough, muscle aches, headache, chills, loss of appetite, fatigue, sore throat, runny or stuffy nose, a stomach ache, diarrhea, nausea and vomiting. Also, there is such a thing as "the stomach flu" technical term, gastroenteritis. Not the same as regular influenza, but it is still referred to as the flu, or "stomach flu" as a broad term to describe it, often even in the medical community.
primadonna9396 16
That irks the shit out of me, too. Especially since people may be under the mistaken impression that a flu shot is any help whatsoever in protecting them from rotavirus. Not sure how or why people started calling it "flu" in the first place... My guess is that maybe no one wanted to say they have "winter vomiting bug" or "[are] unceremoniously expelling various digestive products from both ends" and so "flu" just became a polite euphemism/excuse.
Myo_fml 20
I know your feels, man. I'm still getting over the stomach flu. >.< most stomach symptoms have passed, but I'm weak as hell and am falling asleep as much as an elderly person.