Anonymous
Werribee, Australia
Today, I woke up to my 7 year old son angrily trying to smother me with a pillow. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
life insurance for 1
Encino, United States
Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML
blueberry_hill
United States
Today, my thirteen month old son woke me up at 6AM on my day off, by punching me in the eye. FML
DrtySnchez
Statham, United States
Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old standing over me with a pillow. I asked him what he was doing, and he replied that he and Steve were playing a game, but Steve said I have to be asleep for it. Steve is my son's imaginary friend. I'm convinced Steve wants to kill me. FML
todaddy
United Kingdom
Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML
good big sister?
Sault Sainte Marie, Canada
Sleep demon
Today, my 7-year-old sister had a nightmare, so I let her sleep in my bed. I woke up to her punching me in the face and giving me a black eye. Apparently, she not only screams when she's having a nightmare, she also "gives the bad guy a taste of his own medicine." FML
Anonymous
San Francisco, United States
Today, my two sons were fighting. I had to shout, "Give me that pillow" - the object over which they were quarrelling - and put them into two separate rooms. My sons are 12 and 15. FML
Anonymous
Back-seat parenting
Today, I yelled at my oldest son for picking his little brother up by the throat. Only to then be yelled at my my mother-in-law for hurting his feelings. FML
Anonymous
Williamsburg, United States
Today, after finally falling asleep, my boyfriend woke me up and got extremely mad at me. My offense? My pillow was touching his side of the bed. After yelling at me, he's now sleeping on the couch, and I'm lying in bed wide awake. FML
Anonymous
Scottsdale, United States
Today, I was woken up by my teenage son pulling down my shirt and taking pictures of my breasts. FML
Anonymous
This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff
United States
How could you?
Today, I was woken up by my 5 year-old daughter hitting me with a pillow because she had a dream that I was using her toothbrush on the dog. We don't have a dog. She is now refusing to brush her teeth. FML
Top comments
amadeclton 27
Time for counseling?
Marie54321 19
Sounds like the beginnings of a serial killer...
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Comments (109)
zombiekiller52 24
Hahahaha weren't all like that at his age? No ohhhhh Hahahahaha kid sounds awesome
BeepBeepSwerve 9
scale to 1-10 on the retard scale..i wouldn't know what number you got since you broke it
rocker_chick23 27
No, I never had the urge to murder my parents at that age.
Tammy11 1
I don't believe it, sorry
engineerosaurus 26
Sounds like you have a child with a significant mental health problem. Hope you and your kiddo get the help you need, and best of luck. This is probably going to be a lifelong journey.
SystemofaBlink41 27
OP's son could be a pillow-based Dexter with the proper training. Train the dark passenger to smother only for righteousness.
raichu23154 10
sounds like ur son need help
baxwar 15
Did he recently watch chucky
LotsOfConfusion 9
This is very reminiscent of an FML published a while ago. Maybe you 2 should chat!
ToxicTyrael 26
Why would he do this???
ShadowlessSpear 21
Sorry, but if my kid tried to kill me, I would never feel safe with them around again. If I were you, I would not allow him to live me anymore.
Joshery 14
But the question is, why?