Today, I went to eat with my girlfriend, her parents and my mother. My mother complained about every aspect of the service. When I told her she needed to assert herself, she took her pocketbook and hit me over the head. The whole restaurant stared at us while she yelled "Is that assertive enough?" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was dining out with friends. I saw a mom instructing her young child to go to empty tables and take whatever cash had been left. I discreetly told the manager. He confronted the woman and pointed right at me. As she was being thrown out, she tossed a very heavy mug at my head. It hit me. FML
Today, I went to my favorite restaurant with my mother. The food took a little longer than usual to arrive and my mom threw a fit, complete with kicking and screaming, in the middle of the restaurant. My mom and I are both banned for life. FML
Today, I asked a girl at the restaurant I work at if she'd had enough to eat. When she said yes, I said, "Are you sure?" I didn't realize how insulting it sounded until her equally overweight mom was up in my face, demanding to see my manager. FML
Today, my mom and I went out to a fancy and expensive restaurant per her request; she told me it was her treat. After we ate our meals and the large check came, she excused herself to the bathroom. She didn't come back. I was dine-and-dashed by my own mother. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with a girl I really liked. She started crying when an overweight family walked in and loudly sobbed about how the parents were "murdering" their children. This made the father of that family try to fight me. FML
Today, I went out to lunch with my girlfriend. I asked if she was going to finish her meal, hoping to steal a bite or two. She somehow took this as me calling her fat, threw her drink at me, and stormed off. I just wanted some steak. FML
Today, my mother's boyfriend accused me of gaining weight in the middle of a restaurant. He then lifted my shirt all the way to my bra. My mother is angry at me for causing a scene when I screamed, slapped him, and threw a drink in his face, causing him to get arrested. FML
Today, at the restaurant I work at, my own mom refused to give a tip and complained to my boss. FML
Today, my mother gave me a reprimand for my table manners when I didn't ask for someone to pass the vegetables I could have gotten myself. She then let out a raunchy fart at the table, and had the nerve to yell, "Did you ask to be excused?!" as I vacated the area. FML
Today, my girlfriend's mother called me to tell me she didn't appreciate our "public amorous behaviour" at the local food court. I didn't go out all day. FML
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Top comments
aback 5
Mom likes being the center of attention, does she?
jonnymohio 2
At least now the whole family knows what you're escaping from, right?
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Comments (73)
aback 5
Mom likes being the center of attention, does she?
timtam24 0
sounds like it
Bloodknight 22
Haha, that beyotch is crazy!
cucumberfabulous 7
JAAACKIEE..
satanstoystore 0
ydi. dont talk to your mom that way. and btw, maybe the gf and her mom will think your mom is crazy but guess what. you just showed em that when a girl is stressed- You Suck at helping them through the situation.
kyon65 0
"you just showed em that when a girl is stressed- You Suck at helping them through the situation." Because women are expected to be emotional over-reacting bitches and men should just know how to deal with it? Bullshit
boatkicker 5
Hmm I pretty sure that telling his mom to assert herself, is helpful. "Oh you're upset mom, why don't you talk to he people upsetting you. That might help." Unless it was worded like "Well then ******* assert yourself, mom" it shouldn't have offended her. Even if he had offered some bad advise you can't blame him for trying.
free2speak 14
what a b*i*t*c*h. My boyfriend's mother is like that. She bitches and complains about everything. Ugh. True FYL.
redbluegreen 41
I love how you spaced out bitch at first, and then didn't the second time. XD
Witchcraft_fml 5
And as you're posting this, your girlfriend's parents are begging her to never marry into your psychotic family. :]
wingedspiritus 0
She doesn't marry the family, she marries the guy. Just thought I would let you know. o:
Witchcraft_fml 5
Oh, gee, thanks for enlightening me. Too bad you're completely wrong. 'Scuse me, but will they not have get-togethers? Christmas? Thanks for making me waste my time reading and replying to your stupid "information".
zurich 0
Americans are weird o.O
TotalPandamonium 2
Welcome to Crazyville. That sounds like something my mom would do. That's not assertive that's over reacting. Just don't take your mom out to dinner anymore and tell her your asserting your right not to get hit in the head when you get tired of hearing her complain about stuff she won't do anything about.
auroraaustralis 0
Surely you knew your mom was a crazy bitch before this?
Mr_Eated 0
Passive-Aggressive much? Wow. I'd have probably paid the bill, handed her money for a cab and just left. She may be nuts, but she's still your mom. I doubt I'd be taking her out to eat anytime soon though.