Today, I went running. I live in a small town and people know me fairly well. It was dark when I went to avoid the heat. I was almost finished with my run when the cop comes up and asks me what I'm running from. Clearly being fat and out of shape is not a good enough alibi. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I finally went running to help me start losing weight. I got 50 metres before someone in a passing car shouted out "Run fatty, run". I can't work up the courage to go for a run again. FML
Today, feeling out of shape, I went for a jog. I got mugged. FML
Today, while going for my daily run, a woman stopped me and said, "I think it's so great that people of your size are comfortable enough to run and show their bodies in public." FML
Today, I was mugged. I saw a cop car in the aftermath and flagged it down. Unfortunately, when the cops stopped the mugger, he said he'd been running away because I tried to mug him. Apparently the fact that he was "well-dressed" and I wasn't means he was telling the truth. FML
Today, I went running. My girlfriend was so surprised at the fact that I'm exercising that she accused me of making it up so I could cheat on her. I'm just trying to get in shape. FML
Today, about 10 minutes into my first jog in months, someone in a car started following me, yelling stuff like "Oh my god, it's Shamu!" and "Run faster, fatty!" I ended up breaking down in tears before he finally sped off, roaring with laughter. FML
Today, I have to follow through with the bet I lost over the Super Bowl game. I don't have a problem running a lap nude around my block, but the cops in the police station right across from my house probably will. FML
Today, I was pulled over because I looked like a possible suspect for a robbery. While searching me, the police's radio went off and the person on the other line said, "Possible suspect, 5'5", thin" - the officer stopped right then and murmured, "too short and fat" and walked back to his car. FML
Today, at my college, someone snatched my laptop out of my hands, so I chased him. Turns out I'm so overweight and slow that he moonwalked away facing me, while I sprinted my heart out. FML
Today, I decided to work out. Being too embarrassed to run in public, I instead ran in circles in my basement. FML
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Top comments
bearstyle22 11
You dare live a healthy lifestyle in my town. Thats it, ticket.
Steffi3 40
I hope he didn't give you too much trouble. Keep up the running OP!
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Comments (70)
aubamas 20
running for a big mc mister officer, sir!
DaEpicTaco 13
Lol
wanted_2_want 40
"From assholes, Sir!!"... Could've be an interesting answer.
CatLady4Lyf 30
"The cupcakes..The cupcakes are after me!!"
RopeRodent 4
OP, here's a bullet point from a very simple list of proper jogger etiquette that you should make sure to follow the next time you go out to jog, most importantly: dress appropriately for the situation. When you jog it's important to wear bright neon clothes, bonus points if the pants/shorts/hot-pants and shirt/training bra doesn't match in the slightest. Put on a sweatband on your forehead and one around each of your wrists. Wear one of those belt things that one can put their keys in, similarly to a fanny pack, except you can hang small water bottles on it (used to have one myself but I've since lost it somewhere). Always when you jog you must bring an Ipod with cheap headphones that blare out "Eye of the tiger" or some other appropriate exercise music. On second thought there has been science conducted in the field that suggest "Benny hill" to be extra speed inducing for joggers. Follow this simple rule from the list of proper jogger etiquette and no one will be able to mistake you for being anything but a dawning Adonis in training. Good luck my fellow jogger and remember to drink often, eat healthily and to get proper sleep.
hekinokuroihi 20
Looks like the heat found you :).
kdq2 5
Are you black?
maharb01 17
bored cops in a boring town, hopefully they were just trying to make sure you weren't being chased or something. keep up the running!
HeWillBeLoved105 22
Why the hell is going on with society man.
LowExpectations 30
Yeah, what the ****, why should the officer be worried about other people's safety. If someone is in danger you mind your own god damn business.
teazyfisher 15
well, you lost some weight right?
HeWhoIsNameless 9
She can't be #19. She didn't say she was shot.
Johnnycake23 42
The same thing happened to me!! After they saw how red and out of breath I was they offered me a ride home lol
gintwinsmoore 20
How can anyone here say that OP deserves this???
Johnnycake23 42
People are so mean!