Today, I went running. I live in a small town and people know me fairly well. It was dark when I went to avoid the heat. I was almost finished with my run when the cop comes up and asks me what I'm running from. Clearly being fat and out of shape is not a good enough alibi. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I finally went running to help me start losing weight. I got 50 metres before someone in a passing car shouted out "Run fatty, run". I can't work up the courage to go for a run again. FML
Today, feeling out of shape, I went for a jog. I got mugged. FML
Today, while going for my daily run, a woman stopped me and said, "I think it's so great that people of your size are comfortable enough to run and show their bodies in public." FML
Today, I was mugged. I saw a cop car in the aftermath and flagged it down. Unfortunately, when the cops stopped the mugger, he said he'd been running away because I tried to mug him. Apparently the fact that he was "well-dressed" and I wasn't means he was telling the truth. FML
Today, I went running. My girlfriend was so surprised at the fact that I'm exercising that she accused me of making it up so I could cheat on her. I'm just trying to get in shape. FML
Today, about 10 minutes into my first jog in months, someone in a car started following me, yelling stuff like "Oh my god, it's Shamu!" and "Run faster, fatty!" I ended up breaking down in tears before he finally sped off, roaring with laughter. FML
Today, I have to follow through with the bet I lost over the Super Bowl game. I don't have a problem running a lap nude around my block, but the cops in the police station right across from my house probably will. FML
Today, I was pulled over because I looked like a possible suspect for a robbery. While searching me, the police's radio went off and the person on the other line said, "Possible suspect, 5'5", thin" - the officer stopped right then and murmured, "too short and fat" and walked back to his car. FML
Today, at my college, someone snatched my laptop out of my hands, so I chased him. Turns out I'm so overweight and slow that he moonwalked away facing me, while I sprinted my heart out. FML
Today, I decided to work out. Being too embarrassed to run in public, I instead ran in circles in my basement. FML
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Top comments
bearstyle22 11
You dare live a healthy lifestyle in my town. Thats it, ticket.
Steffi3 40
I hope he didn't give you too much trouble. Keep up the running OP!
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Comments (70)
kdq2 5
You're too black bro
Johnnycake23 42
Lol Running while black is a very serious crime!
Rosebudx 32
My football player/wrestler brother used to dress in a black hoodie and sweats and go running sometime between midnight and 2 a.m. He got the cops called on him several times, but luckily the responding officers all knew him.
mokka44 8
I was a wrestler and got home from work at midnight. I would go jogging when I got home and probably had a police escort a couple of times a week.
SystemofaBlink41 27
"I was running from obesity."
Johnnycake23 42
Right into Wendy's arms!
quesok 22
At first I thought it meant the cop was seeing if op needed help
Johnnycake23 42
I took it to mean the cops were being douches and making sure he wasn't guilty of anything.
Makko 20
Are you black?
lalaney 14
Are you black or hispanic? :/
trendyshoe 6
#policestateproblems
wazzup206 7
Sorry officer i was running because i saw you and i dont wanna give you any of my donuts
Flyndaran 10
There once was a time before jogging for exercise was a thing. The first ones to do so in big cities did get stopped and even tackled by cops.
joshi42 16
"Mostly from possibility of heart attack, officer."