Today, I was talking to my parents about feeling insecure with my "beach body" as Spring Break keeps getting closer and closer. My dad warned me by saying, "Don't wear a gray swimsuit. People will try to roll you back into the ocean". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, sun was shining and I felt confident enough to go sunbathing at the beach. In only my bikini and towel, I laid out to get some sun. A while later, a little girl came up to me and said, "Aren't you embarrassed that you're so huge?" FML
Today, I found out my four best friends are going to Florida for spring break without me. When asked why I was not invited to go with them the answer I received was, "we don't think you would look very good in a bathing suit, and we want to be able to pick up cute guys on the beach." FML
Today, my dad suggested that as an alternative to buying me new school clothes that actually fit, I should just join the swim team, lose some weight, and wear my stuff from last year. FML
Today, I went to the beach. While I was swimming, I noticed a few really hot guys passing. Trying to be sexy, I slowly got out of the water, showing off my body. I showed a bit more than I expected when I realized my bikini bottom had fallen off. FML
Today, my mother threatened me if I keep wearing yoga pants to school, she's going to have my dad pick me up in a speedo. FML
Today, I told my mom I was going swimming with friends. She told me, in front of them, not to go into the deep end unless there was an adult around because I'm not old enough to swim on my own. I'm 19. FML
Today, I was at the beach with my parents, and I went for a swim in the sea. I got out and my parents started laughing their asses off. It wasn't until my dad pulled a condom out of my hair that I realized what they were laughing at. My dad even took a picture. FML
Today, my mom and dad were talking about how if I lost weight, I would be attractive and have guys all over me. My dad said, “That’s exactly what I’m worried about.” It took me a while to realize they both think I’m ugly. FML
Today, I took the kids to the pool. I'm short and 20lbs overweight but they talked me into it and I put on a swimsuit for the first time in 10 years. As soon as we got there, a girl my height but a good 150lbs heavier said, "It's so nice to see another big girl in a two-piece!" FML
Today, I was at a pool party. Standing outside of the pool, I was hesitant about taking my shirt off. A girl in the pool shouted, "Hey, you're not the only fat one here, don't feel bad!" I was worried about what my friends would think of my new bellybutton ring, I didn't think I'm fat. FML
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Top comments
beerpong26 0
hahahahahahaha
wtf_fml 0
oh, gosh. dads are always so sensitive.
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Comments (81)
holynemesis1208 3
for some reason i think most peoples dad's have the best sense of humor.
MaliciousMiggyYo 0
your daddy has jokes. [:
bigweber77 0
i want your dad
Lizo_fml 0
toooooo jokes.
saby44 0
aw thats horrible! but i cant help laughing... i feel like a jerk..
Sofa_King 0
Come on man, that was hillarious! He obviously made a joke with no intentions to hurt your feelings And yeah, you had it coming for being fatty - do something about it or stop whining like a little girl!
shunshunrikka89 0
That's rich coming from a guy who's name is "sofa king" get off the couch, fatty.
Slyfox 4
are you retarted? It's a play on words. Sofa king = so ******* it doesn't mean he is a sofa king lol
unimportant 0
my dad would have said something like that too. sorry :(
dirtygerbil08 1
Just a joke, get over it. My dad would have said the same thing.
esclave_fml 0
LOL
candy_babe34 0
LMFAOOOOOOOOO