Today, I was talking to my mother when we both heard a continuous buzzing noise. Unable to locate the source of the noise we gave up. About an hour later, my mother yells down the stairs to me. Turns out my dog stole my vibrator, chewed it and presented it to my mother. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 14-year-old son asked his dog what she was chewing on. It wasn't until he picked it up said, "Is this what I think it is?" that I realized my son was gripping my vibrator. As I took it outside, mortified, he told his sister. FML
Today, I needed money to go to the movie. I asked my mom if I could reach in her purse and grab a few bucks. When I opened up her purse her phone started to vibrate. I yelled over to my mom that her phone was ringing. She said the phone was next to her. I looked in the purse. It was a vibrator. FML
Today, I gave my mom an extra pillow since the ones in the guest room were too flat and hurt her neck. Hours later, I remembered that I'd stashed my vibrator in that pillowcase during a romantic camping trip with my husband. She found it. FML
Today, my mother was cleaning out my underwear drawer and found my vibrator. Everytime I see her in the hall, she just cracks up and makes jokes about how I can't get a guy, so I have to rely on electronics. What's worse, she told my dad AND posted a status on facebook about it. FML
Today, I was in a quiet library when I noticed a buzzing sound. I ignored it, but it kept going. I looked around, but nobody else seemed to notice. After 5 minutes of searching, I realized the buzzing was coming from my backpack. My electric toothbrush had turned itself on and was rattling around. Everyone watched me pull out a vibrating bag. FML
Today, my mother called me at work, freaking out about my dog, so I panicked. What was wrong? He had a hard-on and she'd never seen that happen before. FML
Today, I found out the "mystery buzzing" in my apartment wasn’t an electrical problem. It was my landline cordless phone vibrating under the couch, which had apparently been stuck there for two days. I missed 23 calls, mostly from my mom. FML
Today, I was at the store with my mother in the facial care section. I found this device that scrubs your face with those anti-bacterial pads. The aisle was crowded and noisy, so I shouted to my mother, "Can I have this vibrator thing?" It went silent. FML
Today, I heard whimpering while I was in my bedroom. Thinking it was my parents doing something nasty, I let them do it and turned on my music. My parents came home from work and I realised they were never home. I went into the room and saw my dead dog laying on the floor. FML
Today, I was sitting in my room watching TV when I heard my mother obnoxiously yelling for the dog. Minutes later she stomped into my room, swatted me over the head, and yelled at me for not answering when she called. She actually got my name mixed up with the dog's. FML
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Top comments
Tripartita 45
Idea for brilliant invention: a line of sex toys that look like household electronics. If they're ever found (or chewed up and presented), the viewer will just think it's a standard electric razor, toothbrush, or bulky old cellphone.
MetalxSoldier 26
Talk about killing your vibe
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Comments (29)
whatshuman43 8
At least your dog knows how to fetch what you want
CamBamShamDaMan 26
Ew
OhPuhleeze 23
1) You were practicing safe sex. You cannot get pregnant or catch any STD with the vibrator. So nothing to be ashamed of really. You are a young person with urges and no one should understand it better than your mother. 2) If I were your parent I would be SO thankful that it's not a used condom. 3) Let your mother say something first. It just might be hers. Or you could claim the dog got it from the neighbours.
mermaiden 4
If it was a used condom, that's a pretty good indicator of safe sex
Joshawott 21
Not if it's in a place blocking the fire escape.
OhPuhleeze 23
A used condom would indicate a sexual partner, which could also mean unprotected sex. A sex toy says I don't have any partners so I play with myself. Not many teenagers have both sex toys and sexual partners. Its only later when you've been disappointed that you go look for both.
kyu_Q 19
that little snitch
balbooaaa17 6
bullshit
KaylaTackett 18
How did your dog even get it? Do you just leave it out in the open?
KismetSiren 7
sounds like you need to take better care of your toys...
corky1992 33
Well thats awkward. Probably should keep that hidden better and out of reach of animals.