Today, I was talking to a guy on the phone. I told him I'd be right back. I thought I'd put him on mute. Turns out he heard everything as I took the biggest dump I've ever taken. We haven't talked since. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while on the phone with my boyfriend, I really needed to poop. Badly. He was in the middle of telling a story, so I figured I could get away with muting the phone while on the toilet. Halfway through, he suddenly went silent. I forgot to mute the phone. FML
Today, I was on a conference call while in the bathroom with all the important people in my district. I thought my phone was on mute, so I took the opportunity to flush the toilet. Turns out, that my phone wasn't on mute, and everyone heard it. I'm the only one who was on the conference call outside of work. FML
Today, I took a phone call in the bathroom, since the rest of the house was too noisy. I sat down on the toilet and waited while they put me on hold. After a while, I must have forgotten the lid was down and my pants were still on, because I started peeing myself. FML
Today, my friend was confiding all her problems to me over Skype. I pressed the mute button so I could let out a fart, forgetting I'd already muted it earlier. I broke several minutes of my own silence with a devastating wet one. Now she won't talk to me. FML
Today, I went to take a shit and found my boss shaving in the toilet. While in the cubicle, he asked me about my work and the conversation lasted 15 minutes. I stayed in there even though I'd finished shitting after 5 minutes, during which 3 people heard my progress report while shitting next to me. FML
Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML
Today, at work while on the toilet, somebody came into the stall next to me and gave a loud play by play of every fart, plop, and grunt. He then asked loudly who I was and when I didn't answer put his head under the stall to look at me. FML
Today, I took out my phone and realized I butt dialed my girlfriend and left her a 4 minute voicemail of me farting in an echoing toilet bowl. FML
Today, at work I was sitting on the toilet and a coworker came in and yelled, “That sounded like a big one!” and wouldn't leave until I left came out of the stall. FML
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Top comments
robc32ca 4
"can I call you right back" works wonders!!
HeavyMetalViking 0
Shit. Sounds like the guy was dumping someone too.
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Comments (139)
robc32ca 4
"can I call you right back" works wonders!!
ninjaniki 0
I wonder why you would take the phone into the bathroom anyways!
Grimmerie 31
"no. no you cannot."
CharleneW 0
Exactly.. I'll never understand why people keep someone on hold while they poop...
Bano360 25
Well it's better than holding your poop.
L3Paparazzo 7
he must be like what the **** is going on !
hot00frb 4
I see what you did there
rallets 23
^ lmfao looks like you both got dumped
trimmerr 1
Someone please tell me why so many people comment "I see what you did there" .
SuckerPunchurMom 0
People who comment "i see what you did there" are Douche bags. Like curls said they are attention ******. A simple lol would be enough. As for the OP. That must have been some nasty ass Explosive Diarrhea if the guy heard it.
biass 0
Yea, YDI on that one. Though I wouldn't of dumped you, I'd just make fun of you every now and then and make it an inside joke... Unless it sounded really, really bad then I'd dump you. #
notsocrazee 0
no. the real question is: why didn't he hang up the phone instead of listening.
mfmylifesrsly 30
one time my ex asked if he could take a shit while talking to me on the phone.....hens why he's my ex
seanders 10
Now your situation is extra shitty!:D
gutzz 0
very witty my friend, I dont think he's not talking to you because he's disgusted, he's probably trying to top it! it takes concentration.
dpvizz 1
"hens" why huh? Could you mean "hence"?
gutzz 0
no, I group of gens attacked her while her ex was taking a massive dump, HENCE why he's her ex... geez, use your brain
Haydenob 0
Ew what a turnoff. you're gross
shhortmomma 0
Eeks, you kinda deserve it for not hanging up to do your business. Aside from the fact that it's rude to leave someone waiting on the phone for that long (since the average dump has got to take like at least 5 minutes...? Or perhaps you tried to rush it, hence the killer noises that didn't escape his ears...) boys aren't supposed to find out about girls' bodily functions until much later on in the relationship. LOL. ;)
misscourtneyy 0
ikr
shoecrazy 5
brownie points for realizing that she's human too :)
ArentICute 0
Why would you take your phone in the bathroom?
SmallyBigs 9
Yum.
sailorzoe 14
More like, nappy business. What a nasty girl! Someone needs etiquette training.
trick619 0
seriously, Thats ****** gross. girls shouldn't poop
Brittaneyyy 0
I thunk he said that believing he's a lucky guy n that girls but holes r for his purpose rather than fecal matter but sure buddy well all just be full of shit
tona01 16
girl attack!!!! be careful men of the world, they are angry and are going to kill you for every macho joke you ever made RUN, RUN FOR YOUR LIFES!!!!!
EvilPotato 15
I got a boner from this
DoubleEdgedBlade 4
What the hell is everyone talking about?! Women don't fart or shit.
conan13_fml 0
make things up is normally bad, but in this case LIE tell him it was something else, now what sounds like someone pooping...?
PeteyPablo12308 20
Uhh... Someone pooping? Someone taking a large dump has a very distinctive sound. Giving birth is the only thing I can think of that would be in the same sound category.
Insomnitastic 0
trying to open a vacuum sealed jar of pickles?? O.o
T3P33_fml 0
watching a youtube video of someone pooping. now you can choose between pooming on the phone or Scatophile.
briidontgive_ 0
Haha ohhh, ydi for not checking if he was on mute. That's hilarious though.
NineFishMffns_fml 0
o_o you took the phone in the restroom and not only that but .. you were gonna put him on mute with it in the restroom :/ ? You must of been holding that in and of been in a hurry!
salmangm 0
really its bad when some one out you in a waiting
cptmorgan15 2
what?
hockeyrocks39 0
I read that 3 times and I still have no clue what it said...
HeavyMetalViking 0
Shit. Sounds like the guy was dumping someone too.
GetChiZZedoN 0
lol ^^ you won my good sir
HeavyMetalViking 0
it doesn't 'look like', it happened! :(
L3Paparazzo 7
shit happens
adamcole20 0
wow I feel bad for the statue
texasmadeG 0
ha
dbomb13 0
SUCKS FOR YOU!!!!!!
dbomb13 0
SUCKS FOR YOU!!!!!!
sj913 0
I would be so embarrassed!! that sucks, you shouldve told him you would call him back.