Today, I was outside eating my lunch when an old man pulled his pants down and took a dump on the sidewalk next to me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was enjoying some much needed serenity while I ate lunch in an empty park. To my surprise, an older, clean cut man in a suit sits on the bench next to me. Without saying a word, he unleashes the most foul of farts I've ever witnessed, gets up, gives me a nod, and leaves. FML
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML
Today, while I was doing my hair, my grandpa walked in, dropped his pants, and started taking a crap in the toilet right next to me. FML
Today, while waiting at the bus stop, the guy standing near me started peeing on the sidewalk and on my shoes. FML
Today, I was walking my dog when he stopped in the middle of the street and took a dump. I looked around furtively but saw nobody, so I just kept walking. I stepped in it on the way back home. FML
Today, as I was standing in line at the checkout, the elderly guy in front turned around and said quietly to me, "Sometimes I shit my pants." He then nodded grimly and turned back around, hitting me with the full force of the stench now coming from his pants. FML
Today, I went on a walk with my family because I'm trying to be more active. We were near my son's school when I got a grumbling in my stomach. I rushed to find a place to take a dump. As I approached a Porta-Potty, my ass couldn't hold it any longer and I shit myself 20 feet away from the toilet. FML
Today, I was in a parking lot looking for a spot, and after driving around for a long while I finally found one. A homeless man was taking a shit on it. FML
Today, I woke up to a homeless man relentlessly shitting on my porch. FML
Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML
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Top comments
chineseguy 0
you gotta go when you gotta go!
Darko21 5
Old man 1. Anonymous man 0.
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Comments (111)
MrDeconstruct 0
No, it was the Soviet Russia joke. Not sure where all those went.
allmidnighteyes 11
He's old; he's lived long enough that he can do whatever the **** he wants whenever the **** he wants.
chriswest54 0
**** u, for some reason i just hate u
wombledn 0
10 points to midnight eyes for speaking the truth. I can't wait to be old.good times are coming
anorexicbarbie 8
:(
Darko21 5
Why the long face?
anorexicbarbie 8
Terrible.
ilc74 0
guess u should have given him the sandwich like he asked
anorexicbarbie 8
Both.
ICabooseI 0
it could be worse.ge could have used your lunch as toilet paper."ahhhhhh here's your shitwich!"
Rangant 7
in the immortal words of shrek better out than in
marinus_fml 20
anorexic, only cuz your first comment disappeared ;) I wish it hadn't, I had a good comment under it :(
allmidnighteyes 11
Well, look on the bright side... at least you didn't get kidnapped with him and another person and get forced into a human centipede.
Wirebiter 0
That happened to me once.. twice..
Action_Bastard 0
Ah man, that movie is sick. Human centipede, lol that's gross.