Today, I was in a rush to get to the toilet, I went in and sat on the seat. Then I felt a stinging pain on my left bum cheek. I jumped up quickly to see a wasp splashing around in the bowl. It stung me, and now have a bum cheek twice its normal size, and pee all over my pants. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my 3-year-old pooped his pants in a public bathroom. As I was squatting down, doing my best to clean poop off of his legs and the floor, a wasp flew up my pant leg. I was stung four times before I danced it out of my pants. FML
Today, at work, I thought I had to fart, but didn’t trust it. I squeezed cheek and hurried to the bathroom. As I was sitting down, liquid shot out of my butthole and got on the seat. I then sat in it. On top of, that I saw a spider crawl out of my underwear. The spider bothers me more. FML
Today, I was taking a piss at the urinal when a fly started buzzing around my head. It started getting in my face, so I tried to swat it away. After about 10 seconds of intense swatting, I looked down to find I had pissed all over my shoes and down the front of my trousers. FML
Today, I learned what a "pain in the ass" means. I sat down on my patio swing chair, only to discover it was swarming with baby wasps, who stung me all over the butt. Ouch! FML
Today, I went to a new bar downtown with some friends. I was a little buzzed and had to pee so bad. I rushed into the bathroom and as I sat down I felt a squish on my upper thigh. Turns out the last person in the stall decided to take a shit on the toilet seat. FML
Today, this huge wasp started flying around me. I freaked out and started running from it. Then I slipped, landed face-first in some dog poo, and got stung by the wasp on my leg. FML
Today, after a 2-hour meeting, I rushed to take an urgent dump. Unbeknownst to me, my urine was not hitting the porcelain bowl, but rather the underside of the lid. As it pooled around the pedestal, it soaked my pants, underwear, and when I stood up to button my pants, it got on my shirt too. FML
Today, whilst out on a walk with the dogs, I decided to explore a different part of the woods. Suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my bum. Then another. And another. I realised it was wasps and ran. I've been stung 11 times and have to go back tomorrow for the coat I dropped. FML
Today, I was sitting on the toilet when I felt something brush my shoulder. I turned around in fright, and one of my bum cheeks slipped off the seat and into the toilet, making me fall sideways and hit my face on the toilet roll holder. I now have a black eye. It was my hair on my shoulder. FML
Today, I was taking my shower, as usual. As I was putting soap on my behind, I heard a pop. I also felt a burning sensation near my butthole. I have a blood filled bubble in my arse, which got infiltrated with soap. I have a drums lesson in a bit. My butt is stinging. FML
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Top comments
sweatnut 0
that must be a pain in the ass. New definition of my ass is on fire.
Jonesy_fml 0
Hey, at least you didn't shit yourself... but you gotta ask yourself, was the rush worth it?
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Comments (77)
Jonesy_fml 0
Hey, at least you didn't shit yourself... but you gotta ask yourself, was the rush worth it?
billyhirvine09 0
YDI for saying bum
ARScratch 0
lol I hate 'bum'
KarinaLizeth18 5
what's wrong with bum hmmm??? O.o
sweatnut 0
that must be a pain in the ass. New definition of my ass is on fire.
m0tl3ycru3 0
Damn wasps
pwincessa23 1
Hey at least now u got a J. Lo butt. too bad it's just one cheeck!
alexandraa_fml 0
Holy bum cheek Batman..
whataloadofbull 0
wut
XFlyingxPiranhaX 0
*sigh* Really? Do you really have to have this explained?
WearingHats 14
Someone has never seen the old Batman. 'Tis a darn shame.
beanerkid 0
hope you dont have to go swimming anytime soon
littlelizard111 0
I agree with # 547!!!!!
chaos753159 4
hope u dont enjoy sitting
jam_21 0
that sounds really really painful.... FYL, no one deserves to have their ass bitten by an angry wasp while they're on the pot trying to take a leak.....
null_fml 11
So you didn't change your pants before going to the computer to type up an FML? Well.. whatever salts your melon, I guess.
24788 7
Clearly you should of waited for the bee to go first. YDI