Today, I was eating at a nice restaurant. Feeling curious, I daringly asked for the surprise "Maiden's Dream" dessert. The waiter came back with a banana between two balls of ice-cream on a plate, and no spoon. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took my girlfriend to a very nice restaurant. I thought it would be a good place to pop the question. I gave the ring to the waiter and asked him to put it on her dessert plate. When she saw it, she picked it up, put it down, and said "No". Then she started to eat her dessert. FML
Today, while I was working at McDonald's, a man and his wife ordered a Sundae. I gave the guy his sundae and realized I'd forgotten something. I said, "One second sir. Let me grab your nuts." I realized what I said when his wife gave me the death glare. FML
Today, I asked the restaurant manager if he could arrange to deliver an engagement ring to me and my girlfriend with our desserts. Desserts came, no ring. That guy wasn’t the manager, just a guy in a suit who legged it with my ring. FML
Today, I took my friends out to an expensive restaurant for my birthday treat. They had arranged for a surprise birthday cake for me which I cut, very happily, while they chanted birthday wishes. When the bill came, I discovered I was supposed to pay for my great 'surprise' cake. FML
Today, I awoke to rose petals leading me to the front garden. Curious, I followed them, thinking my boyfriend planned something romantic. As I walked out the door, I was hit in the face with a paper plate full of whipped cream and sprinkles, and then locked outside. FML
Today, I got slapped in the face by my girlfriend with a banana skin, because I finished up the chocolate cake. FML
Today, I bought a large ice cream cake. No, there's no occasion, but I did ask the cashier to write "Happy Birthday" on it, just so she wouldn't know I was going to eat it all myself. FML
Today, I was at a buffet with my kids and husband. As my boys got up to get more food, I told them they'd better come back with something green on their plate. They both came back with mint ice cream and got a high-five from my husband. FML
Today, I was eager to learn how to use chopsticks, as I was in a nice Chinese restaurant and had ordered noodles. As I was visibly struggling to eat, the server brought me a fork. When I reached for it, I flicked a noodle into a lady's soup at the next table. FML
Today, I waited tables for the first time at my new restaurant job. I asked a group of older men what they would like. One replied, "A slice of that ass". I'm 19 and a guy. FML
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Top comments
podrummer9209 0
Wow, I can't believe how cocky they are! That's pretty epic of them to be that ballsy. I can't believe you didn't go off half-cocked! How far did you manage to get it? I'm utterly dick at making these kinds of jokes. Were there at least nuts on it? I've got tons more, I could probably go on for a while, but I think I'll stop. =]
Eir_fml 1
Ask for a spoon anyway, if it's a big deal. Otherwise, just be amused. People take things too seriously sometimes.
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Comments (92)
Justyce_fml 0
wow
EmilyKitten9 0
FYL?! Seriously!? NO F mine because I didn't get one!
LIFELONGFAIL_SM 2
Dude, that just SUCKS! XD
kurato 6
the irony, I vote your life SUCK *wink wink*
MrChocolateburri 0
LMFAO! that is the funniest thing I've read on here in awhile.
ggrls 0
you should have asked so they are this big well time to dump my bf
bluegoldfish 7
dessert not desert
smashu112 0
that's all girls want
lehmuffin 0
Desert? Why would you ask for a desert?! I would have much preferred a dessert instead if I were you!:)
starkidkitty 5
Hahahahahahaha that's such a classy joint