Today, I was driving to the local market with my son. We approached a vehicle that looked just like my fiancé's. My son peered out his window and said, "Mommy, daddy's getting kidnapped!" It seems he was being 'kidnapped' by his new girlfriend. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up and saw my new car was gone and my son seemed very shifty. When I questioned him with the cops, he admitted to taking it for a joyride and "leaving it" behind a derelict mall. We drove over. It was wrapped around a light post, completely destroyed. FML
Today, I almost got kidnapped. Again. FML
Today, the police posted a description of the car of a child abductor. As everyone slowed down to read the billboard, I realized that the car's description and license plate were very similar to mine. After getting death stares from passengers, I got pulled over. Twice. FML
Today, I got locked in an old woman's garage for an hour when she forgot I was looking at the car for sale. When I got home, I told my mom and jokingly said, "First time I have been kidnapped!" Without hesitation she said, "Well, that makes it the third time." I had no idea. FML
Today, I was picking up my nephew from school. I waved when I saw him coming, shouted, “Hey dude!” The kid stared at me, confused. That’s when I realized it wasn’t my nephew, just a child who looked vaguely similar but who was now terrified. His actual mom gave me a look like she was deciding whether to call security. FML
Today, I was driving my little sister to school. She really didn't wanna go and was throwing a tantrum in the car. When we stopped at a red light, my sister notices a police man giving a ticket to another driver. She rolled down her window and screamed "Help me! I'm being kidnapped by a murderer!" FML
Today, while driving home from work, I saw my boyfriend mugging a woman on the sidewalk. FML
Today, my 15-year-old son told me that he and his new girlfriend are deeply in love and are meant for each other. The "girlfriend" in question? My fiancé's 12-year old daughter. FML
Today, I was driving to the grocery store with my 7 year-old son. As we were approaching a stop sign, I looked next to me and saw a guy with a triangle-shaped head. I said to my son, "Look at the guy with the triangle head." My window was open. So was his. FML
Today, my boyfriend picked me up to take me on a date. Just as we were about to drive away, my dad ran out of the house in his underwear and started yelling that he'd kill my boyfriend if I wasn't back home within the hour. FML
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Top comments
moony_fml 0
ouch, i wouldn't pay the ransom if i were u
24788 7
At least you caught him in the action. Makes it much easier to believe it.
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Comments (111)
Ughsucks 0
Statistically #5 it's something like 60-80% chance it won't work for people in the 75-90 IQ bracket (about 30% of the US). If you have an IQ over 125, you only have a 9% chance of divorce.
mintfreshpinesol 0
#41--all those statistics are bullshit...
Ughsucks 0
#42 You should really read more. The sibling studies done by the Harvard Professors Richard J. Herrnstein and Charles Murray verify that data twice. As IQ goes up you also have a far less likely chance of unwed pregnancy (about 15 times less). 75-90 = 45% chance >125 = 3% chance
abcdefghiloveyou 0
#43, where's the rest of the percentage go? less than 75?
DarkKnight540 0
Thats gotta suck
Ughsucks 0
#44 those are specific data points within each GROUP. ie. 5% of the entire population has an IQ above 125... out of those people only 3% of them have unwed pregnancies.
fml1358 0
Man that sucks. What did you do after
DarkMirror 0
Well that sucks. But you decided he was breeding/marriage material? Assuming he's the biological father.
mnm2arts 0
I'm so sorry. Your ex is an IDIOT! I feel even worse for your son, hopefully he didn't find out the truth behind the "kidnapping"
wowfmlife 0
Dump the guy and if the kid asks about him, "he got kidnapped"