Today, I was called by the counselor to discuss my "issues". She told me that other students had reported to her that they saw scars on my arms. I don't cut, I just have a hormonal and aggressive parrot who sees me as his personal tree. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had a rubber band around my wrist for too long, and it ended up leaving faint red marks around my wrist. My mom saw them, thought they were scars, and is now convinced I'm a cutter, "like the ones I've seen on the news," and won't believe my story. FML
Today, this guy who likes me accused me of cutting myself. I asked him what he was talking about, and he said, "Don't lie, I saw those scars on your thighs when we went swimming." I have stretch marks on my inner thighs, and now I have to explain them to him so he doesn't think I cut myself. FML
Today, I picked up my cat and he went wild because I didn't know he was sleeping. I ended with with several cuts, and one on my wrist. Later, a kid in my high school saw my wrist and told my guidance counselor, who told my parents. Now everyone thinks I'm either a liar, attention whore, or emo. FML
Today, a man stopped me on the street. He said the stretch marks on my thighs looked like cuts, and asked me if I self-harmed. Before I was able to politely respond "No", he said, "I mean, I can see why you would." FML
Today, a lady talking about the Bible came to my house. She looked at me and said I wouldn't need to cut myself if I had God in my life. Mom heard and did a thorough investigation of my body for scars. I had to bathe my rabbit last night, and he scratched me. They were from him. FML
Today, at work, one of my 6 year-old students, who has had intense speech therapy since kindergarten, told me, "I can tell you're hot, because you rolled your sleeves up." I was very pleased with his articulate sentence, until he said, "Your arms are hairy." FML
Today, my boyfriend noticed dark lines that look like scars on my inner thighs. He confronted me about them, thinking I was cutting myself, and now wants me to see a therapist because he thinks I'm suicidal. They're stretch marks. He won't believe me. FML
Today, on my break, I decided to be friendly and chat with a co-worker that everyone else always seems to avoid. He spent the next ten minutes telling me all about his abcessing sebaceous cysts. Apparently, "The scars look just like gunshot wounds." FML
Today, I noticed quite a few scars on one of my coworker's legs. I pulled her aside and told her that self-harm was never the answer, and if she needed to talk I was always there. Turns out she's just clumsy and trips a lot. FML
Today, I woke up to a bloody nose. Instead of rushing to the bathroom, I creatively dripped the blood over a knife for photography class because the assignment was to show emotion. So many of the students and faculty were disturbed that I'm now forced to talk to the school psychologist. FML
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Top comments
Robbieisadowg 16
I was in this exact situation once (except it was my dog). I'm sure people will understand (eventually). At least people care about you!
juststephhere 23
Maybe it's the parrot who needs counselling...
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Comments (74)
yeti37 16
Hard to convince the counselor of the story, but look at it another way, the other kids cared enough to say something to the school. That's what they should do. Good for them!
angelitared 27
Cut the parrot.
krupa1017 18
Animal abuse.
Bzu123 8
at least your classmates care enough to report it.
Grauncho 27
Fun fact: parrots consider regular petting to be foreplay. I wish I were making this up.
lightburns 10
Hello Cracked reader :)
challan 19
Fun fact... so do women.
caysters 12
My friend's dad has a bird, the bird loves him very much. They learned he was masturbating himself on his shoulder when they figured out what the spots were he kept leaving on his shoulder. Lol
Grauncho 27
#32 you. I like your style.
AliSama 17
Gloves with sleeves that are thick enough to prevent her claws from scratching you. Please get some. Hugs.
JMichael 26
I feel you OP. At my job I get lots of scratches and cuts on my forearm. It looks really bad most of the time.
martin8337 36
That's your story and your sticking to it. Or is it bye bye birdie?
tukies 28
Time to clip her nails. It will help a good deal.
Purplexus 14
My school wouldn't give less a shit about that kind of thing.
awilliams44 9
atleast people care