emchocolat
Europe
Today, I was burgled while I was on the toilet. FML
emchocolat_fml tells us more.
Thanks for your comments and highly original puns ! Just to clear the language issue up: "I was burgled" is correct British English (as opposed to American English) and means "Somebody broke into my house and stole things that belonged to me". "Burglarized" is the American synonym. The site said I come from Europe - I do, but it's a big place. I come from England and I live in Mayotte, a French territory in the Indian Ocean.
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Top comments
stevenJB 25
And everything turned to shit
ICastillo 25
I hate when you can't take a shit in peace. You should have yelled to him to come back later when you were done.
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Comments (144)
stevenJB 25
And everything turned to shit
boxbrandon11 20
So he stole your shit...Thats stinks
TourettesGuyFTW 26
So your possessions were scooped while you pooped? Tough luck!
SlenderMann 10
Prepare for an overload of "crappy" puns.
gntfmlingnow 12
Rule #4: Beware of bathrooms.
isabelm1224 4
let's hope they didn't steal the tp!!! (⊙o⊙)
His_Holiness 18
Did the burglar scare the shit out of you?
ICastillo 25
#40 If that happens OP can just use a sock or rip her sleeve and use that.
EGORAPTOR 7
Should of picked up your poo and thrown it at the person screaming CHOCOLATE!!!!!!
tsent8 15
Hehe turd burglar.
OHai15 12
shudda flung poo at them.
fmlsams 27
@40 - That's just nasty. Why would you even think that far into OP's bathroom experience??
FlyingPie 17
Your safety seems to have been flushed down the toilet.
ColdplaySucks 18
Scoop your shit out of the toilet, and throw it at the burglar.
astoryofroses 9
#5 ewww that's disgusting!
Stefan1994 7
5, I dont think OP is a monkey...
HKCgrimmjow 15
Well OP has a monkey... Oh wait :( they took poor Carl too
jetsown08 21
Yeah, and the rest of his intestines went down the toilet when he saw the burglar.
patrickalamo 48
This is why I'm never more than 5 to 10 steps from a gun in my home at all times.
jjessen 20
95- if you tell me how many square feet there is in your house, I'll calculate how many guns you would need to have.
chokefrantic 9
95: 'MURICA!
patrickalamo 48
101, that would be 22, not including what is in the safe. Welcome to Texas
skittycat213 19
AWMIGAWD SAO is soooo beautiful!!! Sad there's only one episode left tho... (Sorry for off-topicness)
wifey08 13
Sounds like a shitty position to be in...
SadGirl18 16
Well, that's a shitty situation.
justonecomment 2
No
Neonemerld 21
That joke is pure shit.
lilhellian 27
*Bang* **** it.. *Bang* Gotta make sure they stay dead..
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Rule number 2: Double tap.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Rule number 2: Double tap.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Double tap, not double post Dx
lilhellian 27
You're just double checking you posted! :D
MichellinMan 20
How many keurigs did it weigh! (South park reference)
RvidxrKlvn 8
Hahaha omg 3 that was a good one
astralvagan 20
18, always double tap! Good call!
lilhellian 27
*Bang bangity bang* There's a button for that..
lilpsyco 16
It weighed exactly 9.6 keurigs not a prize winner like Bono or some of these shitty puns
kyiomi 18
22) zombieland reference! Brilliant!
spud11763 14
46 & 63 - it was Courics, as in Katie Couric; not Keurigs like the coffee maker :P
kyarush 10
This was clever 12 years ago....
asb818 14
3 & 54 - On FMLs much?
verkaderk 9
You're so funny!!! said no one ever...
SadGirl18 16
You're all party poopers.
kyarush 10
Not when I'm naked. Giggitty
zander4310 5
Original
orebes 3
Double tap
ICastillo 25
I hate when you can't take a shit in peace. You should have yelled to him to come back later when you were done.
Pleonasm 36
When did burglars lose all sense of theft-iquette?
TheFuckerofShit 16
There is no more peaceful time in life than taking a shit.
ICastillo 25
Pleo they just don't have respect anymore.
Pleonasm 36
Back in my day, they'd knock and ask me if I was done yet, or how long I think I'd be if I wasn't. Then, they would politely nod when I walked out, and proceed to take all of my earthly belongings in the most pleasant and charming manner, before wishing me a good day and walking out the door. Once they even let me keep my wallet for being a good sport.
ICastillo 25
Well Pleo we all miss the good old days. *wipes away a tear*
ironheart98 14
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Burglarized not burgled. but that sucks, sorry to hear about your luck.
citymayer 7
No burgled is also correct
beautycrush495 10
He could have just said got robbed then we wouldn't have to get technical
NagainaFier 16
OP also lives in Europe; maybe that's what they say over there instead of robbed.
RedPillSucks 33
burgled implies a break-in, robbed does not. you can be robbed outside, but you can't be burgled outside
alanahcole 1
I was just about to say that, illiterate people these days...
musicalnoodles23 5
Actually, burgled implies that you went into someone's house and stole things. Burglarized would be the correct word to use.
ironheart98 14
least number 96 knows what words mean and how to use them. i got burgled is not the correct use.
goofy4123 8
Honestly, I didn't understand this FML till I saw this comment...
Driveshaft 5
Burgled also implies op just saw "The Hobbit"
cgchamp89 7
Your home or vehicle can be burglarized, but only while you are not in them. YOU can be robbed. Also, you can be the victim of a home invasion if your house is burglarized and you are inside of it... technical, I know. I have been a cop for a a few years and have yet to hear the term "Burgled". Maybe other states or countries use different terms though?
delevish 3
Burgled is a much funnier word.
watermelon1 35
Did they scare the shit out of you?
Zedd_fml 8
Burglarized by what? The toilet?
MichellinMan 20
^ people.
KrazieKleo 13
42- are you being serious? ...
DLT_fml 20
One would think the process was already underway, so you can't really give them the credit...
jjessen 20
I believe 42 meant to post under 7 not 8
androiddestroya 7
I think it's more appropriate to say OP lost their shit.
HortonThelephant 15
And now you know what it means to be 'caught with your pants down' FYL OP
justspin 7
Ehh you could have flung poo at them. (Madagascar reference)
gribbles 12
I hate when people put what they're referring to. Somewhat kills the joke, no? (Life reference)
justspin 7
Yeah but how many people on fml would have understood it then?
cr3ativity 15
Well, I suppose it's better than jerkin off and getting robbed. But then again, you probably could have fling shit at the burglar to scare him off.
tsim14 4
Happens to the best of us...
gracehi 33
Well now, that simply can't be true, because it's never happened to me. ;D