Today, I tried to kill a spider by throwing a shoe at it. All it did was slice the spider's egg sac open, releasing all its babies. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
Today, there was a huge spider on my ceiling, so I grabbed a shoe to deal with it. Just as I jumped up to smush it, my idiot brother flicked the light off. I missed the spider, but it didn't miss my face as the impact caused it to fall. FML
Today, I tried to catch a spider in a glass. It was on the paper and I wanted it to fall into the glass, but I moved the paper the wrong way, screeched like a banshee and flung the glass at the floor. I was barefoot. FML
Today, while trying to kill a spider in my kitchen, I thought it would be wise to throw a bottle at it. The bottle hit the wall, bounced off the fridge and hit me in the face. The lucky spider crawled away, and is surely still laughing somewhere. FML
Today, I was watching a Facebook reel of this guy who tried to kill a giant spider with a shoe. All of a sudden the spider disappeared, then came running up his arm towards me so fast it spooked the fuck outta me and I threw my phone hard as hell down the stairs! The worst part is I’m sure he knew that was gonna happen. FML
Today, while bringing boxes up from the basement, I noticed a few spider egg sacs had stuck to my shirt. As I desperately tried to remove them, they hatched. FML
Today, I saw what I thought was a spider. Wanting to kill it as quickly as possible, I smacked my hand against the wall with force. It was a nail. FML
Today, I saw a huge wolf spider in my room. It ran off and hid before I could kill it, but after two hours looking for it then giving up, I finally found it, with my foot, as I put on my shoes. FML
Today, I took a stick lighter and used it to set a large spider on fire to kill it, as stepping on it could possibly release its babies if it were a momma. I ignited more than the spider, and had to call the fire department. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML
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Top comments
boombangboi 3
Time to leave and never return.
Jabberwockyy 13
I hate spiders so that would creep me out so much.
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Comments (221)
hawkgirl55555 2
Damnit Elise!
thomcmoore 23
I moderated this as a "no." Sorry Canada.
nevereyes 31
That would have been so cute to see. The first time I saw this sorta thing happen it was bloody adorable.
squideth 18
Of course this is downvoted, heaven forbid anyone on fml likes spiders.
nevereyes 31
Yeah, tell me about it. But really I don't see why any one would hate them. Their cute, make good pets and are a needed part of the ecosystem.
DanielsGirl21 4
I put my feet up on the seat next to me the second I read this. *shivers* I would have a difficult time getting away... stuck with walking on crutches. Kudos to you OP :)
Klona 7
What have you done...!? What've you DONE!!!?
KimchiKim 9
They say kill it with fire for a reason, you know
sonictardis 8
The roommate took that statement too literally with the bat.
boredgirl123 11
I would have died. That makes my skin crawl just thinking about it.
thefastnfuryass 14
makin' baybays..
idioticmess 15
time to torch you house. nothing else you can do now.
energizerbunny23 18
I hope you burnt that house down!