Today, I tried to get my golden retriever to stand in front of our church for a very short time to illustrate the point of a sermon. When I brought my dog up, he mounted the pastor's leg and began humping him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I pretended to be dead in front of my dog to see what he would do. He started to hump me, and when I tried to get up, he growled at me until I got back down on the ground to wait until he was finished. FML
Today, I decided to play with my dog. I sat on the ground and whistled for him to come to me. I smiled when I saw him running at my happily. He sniffed me, turned around, lifted his leg and peed on me. FML
Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML
Today, my 80lb black lab decided that the moment I start doing pushups is her cue to mount me. FML
Today, I was walking my new dog and saw this girl that I've had a crush on for months. When I approached her, I tried to look 'macho' with my dog. However my dog thought it would be more attractive to pee on my leg. FML
Today, my dog carried on with his recent habit of trying to hump me. When I told my mom, she just joked that he's my new boyfriend. Now my whole family is just calling him my boyfriend. FML
Today, while walking my dog at the park, I spotted my crush and said "Hi!" By not paying attention where I was going, I tripped and fell down. My dog started humping me. FML
Today, my dog did something I had no idea he could do. He participated in an all-male three-way at the dog park. In front of everyone. FML
Today, my fully grown, 90-pound German Shepherd sniffed and wagged his tail as a guy mugged me. FML
Today, I took my dog to the vet. He sat on my lap the whole car ride, licking my face and acting like my best friend. As soon as we got inside, he turned into a Tasmanian devil and pissed on my shoes, all while looking at me like I'd betrayed him. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
flashback.miss 28
well, your dog illustrated his point to your pastor... But out of curiosity, why did you need to have your dog stand in front of the church to prove the point of a sermon? Image?
elephantsarecute 16
It would be even funnier if the sermon was about chastity.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (40)
flashback.miss 28
well, your dog illustrated his point to your pastor... But out of curiosity, why did you need to have your dog stand in front of the church to prove the point of a sermon? Image?
NeatNit 33
sorry for being off topic, but every time I see your profile picture I cringe a little.
MrsDruidess 23
he's a dog, not a church prop! good boy!!
AnOriginalName 19
#11, every time I see your profile pic I get a bit hungrier.
xx000o 27
The dog knows a good thing when he humps it.
Ambient25 25
Yes, as good as religion. Good for the first 5 minutes as you hope for the best...and bad for the hours after as you feel surprising rejection
katydid91 31
Awkward....
little_excel 5
I know how that feels, I was humped by my buddy's female dog -.-'
Stylux_fml 16
The dog technically DID help. He helped by showing 'the sermon on the mount' ;)
elephantsarecute 16
It would be even funnier if the sermon was about chastity.
corporatescoundr 25
"...And that's why I implore you to wait until marri- it... Hey! Someone get this damn dog!"
DinosaurTacoTime 18
Naughty doggy.
narkill 13
Alien guy "Christians"
Queensland 27
Don't start.
challan 19
I'm sure I'm going to hell, but I truly hope that the sermon was about self control and controlling your primal urges.
Mjwnenrjs 17
Controlling primal urges would be very difficult around you... You are gorgeous!
Rianokami 22
Your dog has an excellent sense of timing.
Grauncho 27
You illustrated something, that's for sure.
maskedman 9
Sodom and Gomorrah all over again.
Calingaladha 21
I've heard of the priest and the altar boy. This is a new one, though.