Today, I took my grandma to what I thought was a nice movie. An actor used the word "cunt", which prompted her to ask what that word meant in a loud "whisper". She followed up even more loudly with, "Does that mean pussy?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 7 year-old daughter loudly asked in the middle of a supermarket, "Mummy, what's a cunt?" FML
Today, I was listening to music while my grandma and mom were in the same room. I only had one headphone in. My mom, thinking I had both in, started telling my grandma how much of a "little bitch" I am. My grandma went on to say, "She's also a slut." FML
Today, I was at a restaurant with my grandma. A young, ripped gentleman suddenly walked through the door and my grandma looked at him and shouted, "Look! Eye candy!" as loud as she could. He heard it and was extremely embarrassed. To make it worse, my grandma is a widow, so she might have actually meant it. FML
Today, my racist, homophobic, generally degenerate grandmother visited. Within 20 minutes, she uttered multiple racial slurs, said Robert Downey Jr. will burn in hell for playing a black man in one of his movies, and yelled that she'd "whip the piss" out of me, after I asked her to leave. FML
Today, I decided to be nice and pay a visit to my grandma. We ended up playing Scrabble. In between passing wind that smelled like rotting eggs, she kept playing the filthiest words she could, and yelled at me whenever I checked to see if they were in the Scrabble dictionary. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my senile grandma, when I told her I had to go because I had an appointment at the clinic. For some reason, she assumed I was talking about an abortion clinic, and started raging at me and calling me a murderer. FML
Today, I was written up because my manager heard me insulting a customer. How did I insult her? I called her grandma. Who did I say this to? My grandma. FML
Today, I went to see my grandmother. She has Alzheimer's and doesn't remember me sometimes, and today she thought I was her sister and that I was trying to steal my grandfather from her. She hit me with a cane and called me a slut. FML
Today, I went to see a movie with my mum. She kept asking me questions throughout the entire film, and not necessarily about the movie. I lost my cool when she asked me a bit too loudly for comfort if I regretted being dumped my ex. FML
Today, I was watching TV with my grandpa, and he stopped flipping channels on a movie with a hot naked chick getting oiled down. Suddenly the remote landed on my stomach as my mom and grandma walked in. They yelled at me for being a pervert, while my grandpa sat and chuckled. FML
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Top comments
itsalanis 25
I love your grandma.
holagranola 15
Just be glad she didn't strip down and refuse to put her clothes back on.
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Comments (91)
prettydummy 12
your granma is so foul mouthed you should tell her to watch her mouth :/
outoftown 27
LOL... now you know how parents and grandparents feel when the younger generations ask those questions! The PG rating is now your friend.
olpally 33
That's freaking hilarious and embarrassing at the same time! Lol. Your grandma is awesome. :D
Anubis_81 21
FYL. Very funny, laughed out loud at that. Your Granny rocks.
UMadBro_87 3
Never too old to learn...
Enslaved 38
C U Next Tuesday, Granny
poccocurantes 7
Yes, I use this acronym all the time when seeing my granny.
thain1982 1
Whrn I was 19, my then-girlfriend (now wife) bought me a copy of Monty Python's Holy Grail. She gave it to me in front of my mom, who was very keen to see it. My girlfriend and I had to sit in poker-faced silence as nuns excitedly gabbled about spankings and oral sex while my straight-laced mother's scowl grew ever deeper
BlowinChronic 18
Cool story bro.
poccocurantes 7
"No grandma it's slang for a smart phone." "Oh, so what is a queef?" "Well it's like when you are having trouble breathing grandma. like weezing." *Next day on the phone. "Well Susan I wasn't feeling well this morning and I was qweefing like nobodies business. So I called my granddaughter and she came over to help. But damned if her friend didn't call and she has been playing with her **** all day."
sk83r641 4
YDI for having an awesome grandma!!!
BlowinChronic 18
Seems legit.
beclaurela 18
Well. Mine started reading Fifty Shades of Grey. :I I had to explain to her what BDSM was.