Today, I thought I heard someone shifting around in my house. I froze in fear and then I heard it again. I thought I was hearing things until I realized that it wasn't an intruder in my home. The shifting noise was my thighs rubbing together when I walked. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was walking up some stairs and heard a noise as if someone was following me. The faster I went, the louder the noise got. I was too scared to realize that it was just my thighs causing my jeans to chafe. FML
Today, while jogging, I heard an odd clapping sound over the sound of my iPod. I stopped running, and the sound stopped. This continued for an hour before I realized the slapping sound was my thighs slapping together violently. FML
Today, I woke up to shuffling noises coming from downstairs. Suspecting the worst, I jumped out of bed, and whispered over my shoulder for my girlfriend to stay quiet. Only after going downstairs and taking a swing in the dark with my bat did I figure out it was just my girlfriend foraging for snacks. FML
Today, I was chatting with my boyfriend and his mates barefoot on the grass. I suddenly felt something flick across my feet, so I let out a startled scream. Turns out it was my toe hairs rustling in the breeze. FML
Today, I kept hearing big *THUD* sounds across the house. The first few times, I didn't think anything of it. But after several more times, I started to suspect there was an intruder. After sneaking through the house, ready to knock out whomever was there, I found out it was my cat pushing things off the table. FML
Today, walking in the woods, I heard someone screaming like crazy. First I thought it might be a hurt animal, but then I heard syllables in the screams. When I yelled, “What’s going on there?!” there was only silence. It was so creepy, I’m too scared to walk my dogs there now. FML
Today, I finally felt motivated to do some exercise. As I got my weights out, I noticed out of the corner of my eye someone moving about outside my window. I got scared and dropped a weight on my foot. The person outside was my own reflection. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of footsteps outside my room. I investigated but found nothing. As I went back to my room, I heard a sort of giggling from inside. I was so scared, I grabbed my car keys, got the fuck out of there, and drove to my girlfriend's house in my pajamas. FML
Today, the neighbors heard a blood curdling scream and called the cops, thinking I was being murdered. Nope. I just stubbed my toe. FML
Today, I was woken at 4 a.m. by the sounds of someone crashing down the stairs. I scrambled out, still half-asleep, to find out that nobody was in an agonized heap at the bottom. The walls are so thin in my house that I could hear the neighbour falling down HIS stairs. FML
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Top comments
CateXOX 0
Before anyone else jumps to conclusions about OP's weight, I would like to point out that just because her thighs rub together does not mean she's fat.
Darcon 8
looool! Thunder thighs!
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Comments (223)
yummycupcakegirl 0
May be shes just got big thighs. Do some squats. :)
VaBeach182 0
wow!!!! That's hot.... blahahahahhaha
marmlr339 14
go on a diet!
TroII 0
When I first read this I thought it said "I heard someone ******** around in my house."
kimmis79 2
hilarious!!!!
ohcrapitscurtis 8
dumb ass!
Squidwardz 0
ehehe that kinda sucks
Predental 5
op's name is celluloid. must have a lot of cellulite
fjretsel 1
you fat ****.
nutsackmuscle 0
I no want your cottage cheese thies, besides you've been with to many guys.