Strainer
San Francisco, United States
Today, I strained so hard trying to take a crap that I broke a blood vessel in my eye. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Discipl
This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff
Waterloo, Canada
Eat more fibre
Today, I strained so hard while on the toilet that I gave myself a nosebleed. FML
Anonymous
Too stupid
Today, I was picking my nose so aggressively that I flicked a booger right into my eye. FML
WetMorning
United States
How? Why?
Today, my day started with me peeing in my own face. My eye still burns. FML
Anonymous
United States
Today, after an extremely hard day at work, I took a hot shower to wind down a little bit. I accidentally splashed a painful amount of hot water and shampoo in my eyes. My left contact is now stuck to my eyeball. FML
Anonymous
Boston, United States
Down the hatch
Today, I woke up with a hangover and a pounding headache and tried to take an ibuprofen with a glass of water. I missed my mouth and threw the pill directly into my eye. FML
Anonymous
Blow it
Today, I reached to pick out a booger stuck in my nose that had been irritating me, and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML
Anonymous
Epsom, United States
Leave it to the pros
Today, I was attempting to tame my bushy eyebrows, since I'm starting a new job in a few days and need to look somewhat presentable, when I poked myself in the eye. Hard. I thought I’d blinded myself for a few moments. Now it’s just red, sore and watery. FML
Anonymous
Headshot
Today, I was putting on my sweatpants and accidentally stepped on the elastic drawstring. I moved my foot. The string snapped upward with great speed and hit me in my open eye. My eyeball is not happy with me. FML
blanknameisblank
This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff
Fayetteville, United States
Strong
Today, I broke my nose trying to pop a zit. FML
Anonymous
Germany
Like a true Marxist
Today, I’ve been feeling like I got something stuck in my eye for hours. Nope, just one of those tiny blood vessels swollen up to the point it chafes on my eyelid. The only way I’m not in pain is by looking exclusively toward the extreme left. FML
Top comments
Chrriis 20
How does one simply do that while taking a shit? What the ****.. Stop pushing so damn hard!
Welshite 40
Next time play Eye of the Tiger for extra motivation.
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Comments (99)
AviKerensky 17
Stewie Griffin would approve.
Theadyren 22
I was looking for this! :)
NinjaBoyDavido 13
How do you even...? I'm impressed.
howbout_thisone 13
Dude....
esamolwan 18
damn
Lars93 18
be glad it wasn't your ass, you would've put a tampon up your ass if it did.
Mellowyellow15 10
Sounds like you need some bran muffins.
PopcornTimes 14
The first thing I thought after reading this was "Holy Shit..."
Nessco 36
More fibre!. Take metamucil.
theseus51 1
I would recommend getting a squatty potty, it makes it so much easier. =) Like humans were meant to squat, if you look at the way our colon is designed. Search online if you don't believe me.
lishabear 21
Oh my gosh, i thought i was the only one! I have a squatty potty! :D
theseus51 1
Haha, it does seem that way right? I have introduced it to 3 of my friends, and they all love it. =)
worldclassrager 41
Maybe installing a bar wouldn't be that bad of an idea...