Today, I found out my diet and exercise plan wasn't nearly as effective when it comes to weight loss as I had originally thought. It turns out what really accounts for all the weight I've been losing is tapeworms. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was lying in bed with the worst stomach cramps ever. My boyfriend came, looked at me writhing in pain, and said, "Well at least if it's a tapeworm you'll get skinnier." FML
Today, I found out that the daily "vitamins" that my dad has been giving me for the last three months were actually weight loss pills. FML
Today, after I completely starved myself for a week and exercised every day in an attempt to lose weight, I instead gained 5 pounds. FML
Today, I decided that I need to lose weight when I discovered I could no longer chew on my own toenails. FML
Today, I found out that I've been using a "Trick Scale" that my family bought to boost my self esteem so I'd think I was losing weight. I found this out at my physical, where I learned I have actually gained ten pounds. FML
Today, I lost the 5 pounds I had gained over the last few weeks. I had vowed to do whatever it took to lose that weight, and I actually did, when I caught a horrible stomach bug. I'd eat my words, but I'm pretty sure I'd just end up throwing them up. FML
Today, after drastically changing my diet, going to the gym regularly, avoiding excess sugar and carbs, upping my protein, I’m still as fat as ever. In fact I weighed myself this morning, and I’ve gained 12lbs in 2 weeks. FML
Today, after being convinced that my cat had worms due to eating so much food and still looking really skinny, I found out that my neighbor secretly lets his dog in through my pet door while I'm at work. FML
Today, I found a mealworm in my cornflakes. I had already finished most of the bowl. I didn't make it to the toilet to throw up. FML
Today, I found out the hard way that if you spontaneously begin to lose weight, you may have cancer, not an increased metabolism. FML
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Top comments
drkwlf 0
Which is disgusting.
superstephen4 5
oh dang. well it is the best weight loss program
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Comments (104)
drkwlf 0
Which is disgusting.
xdevotchkax 0
werd. :l pretty nasty. and not healthy at all.
White667 0
Still, she IS getting thinner? Glass half full and all that,
The_Pleb 0
Cool, now i can eat bucket loads of chocolate and cakes and never put on the pounds Does this meen i wont be able to shit no more? Nevertheless whenever i feel angry i could always down some washing up liquid and bionic tuna, and then listen to the worm cry and moan inside my intestines Unfortunately if you feed it a lot it could grow 37 feet inside your body in which youd have to pull it out of your mouth or your butt, but dont cut it up cause itll grow another head O and if your a whale it can grow to 120 foot so beware whales Thankyou for your time P.S if i new my girl had tapeworms to make her slim as a stick, id find that really sexy, although i couldnt do anal, because apparently these parasites can get up your dingaling =S
saviisneat 0
She won't die o.O If you catch it then you can just take a simple de-wormer and poop it all out. It might take a while since they break off in segments. Flat worms are the most common. Dogs and puppies get them ALL the time. You get it by simply swallowing a flea. It could happen to anyone. De-wormer and your fixed.
Reyo 2
As "icky" as it is to have worms in your intestines, having a tapeworm in your body is actually a very effective weight loss technique. You don't end up malnurished since you're eating. What happens is not all of the food is processed so you don't absorb all of the fats and calories. You could eat an entire chocolate cake and it'd only be like eating one or two peices. So OP, this might be my inner guy talking, but you are one lucky son of a beach. I'd kill to be in your situation. And no, tapeworms don't kill you. It's a symbiotic relationsip where both you and the worm benefit. If I had one, I'd name it Larry...just sayen.
Emilyinroom483 7
It's not symbiotic, it's parasitic. Tapeworms take nutrients you NEED.
Reyo 2
Correction: SOME of the nutrients you need. If the thing was sapping her dry...like...literally, then it'd be a cause for trouble, but all it's doing is taking some of the nutrients AS WELL AS the fats/cholesterol. No matter what the relationship is called, the OP is now in a situation where she can eat all she wants and not gain as much weight. Sure, if you stop eating all together, the worm will keep eating, but then you'd deserve it for not eating. Unless the OP becomes homeless anytime soon, she's in a pretty good situation.
dnlphm94 0
If it gets too big, then it would be a big problem.
dvd175 5
its not really a mutualistic relationship...its more parasitic.. you can starve with a tapeworm, and it can spread to other parts of your body such as the muscle or liver and cause deseases
happyvalleygirl 0
obvious troll is obvious.
happyvalleygirl 0
until it gets in your eyes and brain or grows 30 feet long... sure. great weight loss method. /facepalm
Reyo 2
It can, but as of now the only symptom is weight loss, which isn't realy "OMFG IMA DIE IN A FIRE" worthy. If she eats, she'll be fine. If further symptoms come up, then she should get it removed. This is just what I would do. If she wants to remove it, then she can. And happyvalleygirl, do you say that at every instance where you don't agree with someone's opnion, but are too lazy to actually come up with an argument, or is what we have here special?
marz88 0
Symbiotic relationship my ass. Have you ever taken a parasitology course? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taenia_saginata http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taenia_solium Most common human tapeworms.
markey5911 0
Ummm...94% blocked? Where did you get this number lol? A fat person can have anywhere from 0 to 100% clogged. And just because your fat doesn't necessarily mean you have any buildup at all. And it's a lot more complicated than just "fat and lard" deposits. Atherosclerosis, look it up
capthavoc123 0
Because A) using a parasite to lose weight is a dangerously retarded idea and B) if you limit the tapeworm's growth, all it will do is stay the same size and no weight loss will occur because it's not taking in enough nutrients.
saviisneat 0
to #42, yea you CAN get it from swallowing a flea. My doctor and I were discussing this. My dog recently had flatworms in his poop. Flat worms are basically segments of the long tapeworm. He got it from eating his fleas when he was a puppy. He took a de-wormer and he was fine. If you eat a segment of the worm or you swallow a flea then you can get worms. I am 100% correct. You COULD get it from uncooked food as well. Please don't speak if you don't know what you are talking about.
saviisneat 0
Oops double posted. Sorry
1337Steph 0
Reyo, you're using a tapeworm atm to lose weight, aren't you!? I'm onto you.
Snow_Daisy 7
Trichinosis? Ugh. :/ Gross.
XYZzzzzzzz 0
i would name mine Derrik . yes. derrik the tapeworm
m2j 1
haha where can I get some ??
Chocolate_Chunk 2
@68: you cannot get it from feces. you can only get it from eggs stuck to feces. feces are not worms!
SUEHIM 0
No ******* shit Sherlock
nightmare1234 0
ewwe!!!
smartass101 0
fail
v1kt4r 13
smartass!!!
Zazu7711 0
where did my comment go? wtf?
superstephen4 5
oh dang. well it is the best weight loss program
xxLOUD 0
ewwww u must really have been eating bad things before
awesomemegan 0
But, you're losing weight. isn't that what you wanted?
PunxsatownyPhil 0
I don't get how tape worms make you lose weight. They're IN your body, shouldn't the mass...
m4rkman573 6
They eat what you eat and dissolve it quicker than your body then lay eggs and go throughout your whole body until they eventually kill you. ..
Lolitia 4
Wow, that's actually kinda great. I mean you can eat whatever you want now.
JazzHandsFML 28
don't forget punching through the intestinal wall and starving/bleeding to death :D
aiaiai_fml 0
hmmp. They did this in the 1800's before people began dying, because they had no nutriments left. Saw it a couple of weeks ago on History Channel Also, it was on Urban Legends as a "fake legend", if it's true, you make be stick thin, but be prepared to die.
Reyo 2
She won't die if she eats. Too many people think "OH noez ima die from teh worm". The worm doesn't eat ALL of the food, just some of it, so you can live a healthy live with it inside of you. All the OP needs to do is keep eating...and isn't that a situation 90% of the country would kill to be in?
iloveHU15 6
the tapeworm also eats body organs, so yes, she could very well die, wether she eats or not.
lorax101 10
I think in the early 1900s and earlier tapeworms were actually advertised for weight loss... Ha! I googled it and found this :-D http://www.diet-blog.com/archives/2007/05/24/vintage_weight_loss_sanitized_tapeworms.php BTW, FYL, but it's not thattt bad... I think it's gonna be even more FYL when you're doing the treatment to get rid of them. If it's anything like dogs with worms... Well, having tapeworms sounds a lot less gross than getting rid of them I think
NE7SSIE 2
You get rid of them by drinking some stuff and '********' them out I think. They gotta pull the worm out of your ass. If not, then they gonna cut you open. That's what I know from my family members.
Drago1 0
Your lucky it's just tape worms there are some way worse ones that feed on you while they are inside lol. But ya dude fyl
Subtext 10
That's exactly what a tapeworm does. But you're right, there are worse ones. Hookworms for example (yes, it is as bad as it sounds) - they live in your intestines and feed on your blood. If you're not careful, you might actually die because of blood loss... One way to get them would be for example ******** in the woods. So don't be naughty and use the potty, children!