Today, I realised what kind of man I married when I finally shelved his book, "Getting Things Done", still untouched 3 months after buying it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after 8 years and a house bought together, I realised I regret getting married. FML
Today, I found my husband's journal, and along with it the real reason he took so long to show up to our wedding rehearsals last year. According to the journal, it was because he was too busy wooing a married mother of five and sticking his "slut-banger all up in that fat booty." FML
Today, I found out my husband of 10 years has a online blog. Excited to read about myself, I began skimming, only to find out that every entry is him explaining how he let his "soulmate" walk away 9 years ago because of his "previous commitment" and how he regrets it every day. FML
Today, I shouted at my husband for buying a video game, saying that money wasted on his dumb childish bullshit could be spent on a nice vacation or date night. He quietly packed a bag and left. I'm getting the locks changed. Good riddance. FML
Today, I realised I may need to work on my marriage when I saw my husband in public, laughing and smiling with his coworkers, then when he saw me his smile disappeared and he stood up like a tired old man to come and speak to me. FML
Today, I found out that my husband read my journal behind my back when he got mad over something I'd written in it. This is the same journal that my therapist told me to keep, to help me get past my trust issues. FML
Today, I now accept how stupid I was to marry a man whose plans for the future all start with, "When I win the lottery…" FML
Today, at last, my husband instigated sex for the first time since the honeymoon a few months ago when he started fondling me in bed. Then I realised he was asleep. FML
Today, my husband moved out while I was out of town. The only thing of his he left behind was a copy of Paradise Lost. FML
Today, I learned how unhappy my husband is in our marriage. Apparently he also can't find a good woman. We didn't have a heart-to-heart, I read his woes in a blog. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
muncherofice 19
You appeared to have married a man
gatorclay97 28
Bill gates once said he will only hire lazy people, so maybe he'll end up making a lot of money?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (32)
mds9986 24
Give him some "proper" motivation ;)
Lucario227 22
Say something then? I'm sure he'll listen.
heyalmao 13
Eat him. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
joeyl2008 29
Kill him and collect the insurance money
Its_Sinon 15
That sounds like some forensic files shit right there
SexyCheeksIzKool 15
This is hilarious and should be the solution to any marital problems.
gatorclay97 28
Bill gates once said he will only hire lazy people, so maybe he'll end up making a lot of money?
Mike_Oxhard 14
Bill Gates said that lazy people tend to streamline processes and find shortcuts that inevitably lead to productivity. Obviously this is a blanket statement. Not all lazy people are efficient. You have to be lazy, but also smart to pull this off.
psychopolarbear 28
Smart-people lazy: that special kind of lazy that led to inventions like the remote control. Honestly, who wants to actually go ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE ROOM to change the channel, the air conditioning, or the stereo? Thanks for the lazy people. They enable my own laziness.
gatorclay97 28
(May have been joking slightly)
interesting33 37
I imagine there are other things that lead you to the conclusion that he never gets things done, because I think many people buy books and don't read them - especially self-help books.
amileah13 26
The irony in that
LadyLenore 14
Thank you, at least someone saw the irony in this.. :-)
expertsmilee 26
I don't think there is another way to look at this OTHER than ironically.
LadyLenore 14
You'd think so, but a lot of people tend to go for either "divorce" or "quite trying to change him".
shyleigh 1
Whether YDI or not depends on who bought the book in the first place. Did he buy it willingly or did you buy it for him expecting a magic list of chores to get done?
EarlFug 19
Valid question. Not sure why the downvotes.
dec4y 9
In addition, some of those "self-help" books are incredibly condescending garbage claiming that everything you do is worthless and wrong until you do it the author's way... or they're just platitudes repeated over and over again. While I don't want to excuse laziness, I can't really blame someone for not caring much about those kind of books.
Reider022 16
Smart, less expectation from you if he doesn't read it.
muncherofice 19
You appeared to have married a man