Today, I missed my bus to the doctor's office for my scheduled pap test. I was so desperate, I called my deadbeat mom to ask for a ride. She said "Virgins don't need pap tests", laughed, then hung up on me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I missed my bus by a minute. I called up my step-dad asking him if he could drive me because I had a test first period. After about calling him twenty times, and him not picking up, I saw him drive by the bus stop, pointing at me and laughing hysterically. FML
Today, since I'm still recovering from my surgery and can't drive, my daughter drove me to the doctor. When I was done and walked outside, she was nowhere to be seen. Then I got a text, saying, "Sorry, I forgot I have to be somewhere." The closest bus stop to our house is miles away. FML
Today, I went to see a doctor because I have been experiencing hair loss. He insisted on a pregnancy test. My parents then grounded me. I'm a virgin. FML
Today, my mom sternly told me that she would no longer make doctor's appointments for me, since I need to do them myself. I've been staring at the phone for thirty minutes, crying from anxiety. I'm 27 and the most pathetic man alive. FML
Today, I received a letter from the doctor's office saying that I'd missed an appointment and could be dropped as a patient if I missed another. My mom scheduled the appointment for me without my knowledge, and never told me that I had one. I also can't make it to any appointments right now, because my car broke down. FML
Today, I missed my bus. I had to ride my bike 2 miles. Once I left, some jerk nearly hit me. I flipped him off and shouted obsceneties. It was my dad, offering me a ride. He left. FML
Today, I talked to my mom about hanging out with her. She got out her phone to schedule an appointment. FML
Today, my mom told me that she'd rather wait for the city bus all day than allow me to give her a ride. FML
Today, I called my mom to tell her that I'm coming over for a visit. She answered: 'Why? What do you need? Food? Money? I'm not going to help you! You're a grown woman!' And she hung up. I just found out that I'm pregnant and she was the first person I wanted to share it with. FML
Today, my mom picked me up from school due to me being sick. Afterwards, she took a detour to the DMV, and I waited in the car. I ended up vomiting everywhere, clothes included, and had to sit in the car for three hours while the taste and smells lingered. FML
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Top comments
TheGamingGamer 28
That's just ****** up. Whether you're a virgin or not, cancer is always something you need to check for, and your mom is a douche for not taking you. I hope you at least got there to get your test done.
CamBamShamDaMan 26
Man what a dead beat bitch.
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Comments (61)
flyingflies 36
Why did you get in such a frenzy? Call, explain, make another appointment.
amberfox 11
Most doctors will still charge you for a missed appointment, and even if you have insurance, a lot of times they won't cover that.
Cathrin 26
Most doctor's offices have some policy in place for last-minute cancellations like this, usually a fee.
Bearsmomma 30
In my experiences a situation like this is usually understood and the fee is waived. If you just forget or cancel without a good excuse then the charges hold.
WintressSoldier37 27
Is your username Game of Thrones OP?
HylianBadger 21
I know what it's like to have a deadbeat mom. I feel for you.
PineapplePizza 15
I hope you made it! I'm terrified of getting my first one...
doemetoch 28
I understand why you're scared, but there's really no need to be, it's not so bad. It's awkward to have a doctor fumble down there, and the procedure itself is a bit uncomfortable, but in my experience not painful, and it doesn't take long. Find a doctor you feel comfortable with, and you'll be good.
cek727 16
I agree. It's slightly uncomfortable and awkward, but not painful. I understand the trepidation though. I was nervous too. One piece of advice; don't schedule it for when you might be on your period. The menstrual blood can potentially compromise the sample and then you have to redo it.
petalbird 10
why where you getting the last possible bus to make it in time always get the one before if it's important
josiemorehouse 12
That's really messed up that your mom wouldn't take you, but you're already aware that she's a dead beat. Hopefully you can reschedule the pap soon. I hope everyone remembers that each country's health standards are different. In the US, it's recommended to have yearly paps once you begin puberty. It's possible to develop cervical cancer at a young age, while being a virgin. A pap saved my life, I had Stage V pre-cancerous cells and ended up having 2/3rds of my cervix removed. 4 years later and I'm cancer-free. If I would've went 6 months later for my pap, I would've had to had a hysterectomy and chemo. I was 31 at the time. For those who claim it's "torture", maybe you should find another doctor. While a pap is uncomfortable, it's not torture. I gladly go get my vag checked. 10 minutes of being uncomfortable to make sure I stay cancer-free. Girls, get your coochies checked annually. Feel your boobs monthly (or have someone else feel them, like a doctor or a friend). And OP, your mom is a bitch, but I'm sure the doc's office will understand your situation and reschedule you.
uchihadesendent 14
Couldn't agree more some things are worth the effort especially if the price is your life
Figu 4
Hello, forgive the personal question and obviously don't answer if you don't want to . . . Everything I've read, from sources such as the national cancer institue, indicate that without some genital to skin contact then HPV (the strains responsible for cervical cancer, at any rate) can't be transmited. (An aside question, does none know if this includes a single instance of giving or reviving a hand job with absolutely no other contact and disinfectant washing afterwards?) And apparently 99.7% percent of all cervical cancer has been found to co-incidental with HPV. (And at that rate I'm thinking the .03 percent may just be poor testing. It certain fits within any P value.) So, when you say you were a virgin, well . . . what was your sexual history? EDIT: whoops, you didnt say that. I'm only asking because I'm trying to decide on having a pap smear or not. And there's one other thing I'd like to point out, just generally. Pap smears only detect changes in cells within the ******, and are not used to check for STD's. Because of this, I'm considering going in for a visual (and breast) examination only. This does unfortunately miss out on the portion of the exam where they feel specific internal organs for lumps . . . which could fair well be due to some other cancer. Also, ehm, uh, it's called a pap smear in most places, but it DOE occur as part of a larger pelvic examination, right? Honestly, I thought it was just pap smear for the longest time and was going to make my choice based on that only. (And yes, I know the recommendation is when first sexually active or 21. Apparently, that or clause is just because they expect people to lie. So please nobody reply with information I already have. If it's new though, please do add it.)
ashyash90 8
I'd buy her an informative women's health book for her birthday and a coupon to go to the doctor's for free. Not for any women's issues, just so she can get the stick removed from her ass since it's clearly too far up there for her to get it out herself!
blair_kitty 15
In canada you can't have a pap test done if you're a virgin. In case the doctor rips your hernia causing first sex pain without the sex. Imagine the rape lawsuits they'd have on their shoulders if they did.
BloodyGlass 10
Well, if she ever needs you to do something for her, OP, just remind her: "Deadbeat assholes don't get help."
darwinav13 2
I assume that you watch Game of Thrones