Today, I'm stuck in a hotel with my psychotic mom, all because she swore there were "demonic" noises coming from our oven. Yeah, our oven is totally possessed, you idiot. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom was in a really bad mood, so I stayed in my room to avoid her. It didn't take long before she barged in and started bitching about my dog, who'd pissed her off by acting too happy. Yes, she's actually that insane, and I have to deal with it on a daily basis. FML
Today, my mom came over for dinner. She lost her mind, screaming and yelling, because my oven melted the dollar store cooking dish that she insisted on using. Never mind the fact I’m going to have to pay a couple hundred, if not a thousand dollars for a new stove. Oh no, she’s out a whole buck. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. My dad was having a bad day and was rude from the outset, but things went to total hell when he started screaming that he'd "kill" our microwave if it didn't "shut the hell up". My girlfriend now thinks we're a family of abusive psychos. FML
Today, after I told my roommate last week she needed to find a new place to live because I thought she was psychotic, she set my house on fire. FML
Today, my mother thought it would be funny to sneak into my room at night and scream like a demon, after I'd explained to her how scared I was of The Exorcist movie I had just seen. She claims it wasn't her. FML
Today, my mom wants me to get an exorcism because piercings, tattoos, my own car, my own career, moving out of her house, and wanting zero contact with her from now on are "sure signs of demonic possession", maybe even the influence of Lucifer himself. FML
Today, my mom admitted to me that, when I was a baby, my grandmother kidnapped me and took me to the priest to perform an exorcism, because she swore I was the "spawn of Satan." FML
Today, my dad screamed at me, called me a monster, told me he wanted me to move out, and that I better start looking for an apartment. Why? I slammed the microwave door. FML
Today, my pyromaniac sister somehow got her hands on my dad's lighter and set my bed sheets on fire. My dad said I must have provoked her, and that she can't be blamed for her mental condition. So now I'm grounded, and she has a new doll house to calm her down. FML
Today, I was trying to cook a pizza for lunch at my in-laws. I preheated the oven and took my dog out to go potty. I come back in to find the house filled with smoke, the detector going off, and a fire in the oven. Apparently, my mother-in-law left a tray of glass candle holders in it. FML
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Top comments
badgrandpa 9
pretend to fall asleep and then act like you got possessed
eternal_malaise 10
Give her a list of your favorite baked foods that are known to repel demons.
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Comments (105)
fsomelife 26
For crying out loud, she's your mother; she's scared of something, and notice that she took your whiny ass with her to the hotel because she thinks your home is dangerous. She's not an idiot, she needs safety and care. I don't know how you are with her so I won't make claims that you're an asshole or anything of the sort, but try to be more understanding. If she's suffering from some mental issues, imagine how terrified she must be. It isn't her fault. Think of the recent FML about that fucktard who beat his kid; your mother is just afraid through no fault of her own. P.S. Might want to get your oven checked, could be a gas leak.
BeepBeepSwerve 9
nah I think the op head is just fine, yours hwoever....
cryssycakesx3 23
"I don't know how you are with her..." at the very least she's a dick to her mom on FML which is uncool. this is hardly a reason to be that big of a **** to one's mother.
edvin_fml 10
I'll have baked potatoes with rosemary and Lucifer, please
DanielleinDC 34
I guess now is not a good time to say Praise Seitan! Can you go home and do a fake exorcism on the oven, OP, to try to set you mom's mind at ease? Do some chalk drawings, a circle of salt, burn some sage, do some chanting, and there ya go.
heyitme 3
Call Sam and dean
ldkindasucks 6
Remind me why you HAD to go with her? You idiot YDI
Thorzix 23
Ever considered that OP might be underage and still have to listen to his mom? Might wanna use your brain a little before accusing other people of being what you are yourself.
chocolatefrog28 29
Demons, maybe. Do you know where your pet cat is though?
martron3000 5
It was probably just the "Devil's food" cake that was baking in there that made those sounds.
harmtouch16 11
Have you considered getting mental help for your mom instead of calling her names, you idiot?
dabomb0513 10
Home run
Witchylady 18
Sounds like your mother needs to be medicated or have an exorcism
wellthenpeople 5
Respect your mother