Today, I'm in a military academy with a strict no alcohol policy. My friends drunk call me practically every night to tell me how much fun they are having. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my best friend had the balls to call me an alcoholic. She snuck vodka on a cruise ship in a Listerine bottle. I've never had a drink. FML
Today, my alcoholic friend, who is now sober, told me I was a lot more fun when he was drinking. FML
Today, my parents yelled at me for coming home drunk from a party last night. They said I couldn't hang out with my best friend anymore as he's a "bad influence". He was the only one sober in our group and drove me home safely. FML
Today, it was my friend's 18th birthday. She had invited us out drinking. I've never had alcohol before and was very excited. I got a call explaining that she had invited one too many and asked me not to come. People bragging on Facebook about what a great time they were having didn't help either. FML
Today, at dinner, I accidentally let it slip that I'd taken a small sip of alcohol a few years ago and hated it. My extremely strict parents are now trying to get me into rehab. FML
Today, I got drunk until morning at a college friend's apartment with bunch of strangers. Some officials came in due to the noise and I tried to scare them away by pretending to sing a latin song of worship I made up, thinking they'd respect the gathering if it was a religious one. FML
Today, as a recovering alcoholic, I'm at a conference where letting loose is expected and, to a point, encouraged. I've been sober for 2.5 years and am pretty sure I managed to piss off just about everyone with how miserable I was listening to them describe my former favorite mixed drinks and shots. I miss wine. FML
Today, I found out that my "friends" only invite me to their parties when they need a designated driver. Apparently I'm "not fun" because I don't drink, which "ruins the party". FML
Today, I was arrested for drinking in public. It was my friend who was drinking; I was taking the alcohol from her so she wouldn't be arrested. FML
Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML
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Top comments
Philintheblankz 14
If your friends are out getting drunk practically every night then I would say your gonna be much better off than them.
PandaBurst 10
Good on you for deciding to be one of our sexy men/women in uniform. It'll pay off. Plus, you'll get more franks bought for you in the future when you're wearing your uniform. ;-)
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Comments (86)
Akuna_fml 8
Oh wa?
catMcG 2
i can tell ur friends are going to go far in life what with them drinking every day.
Altie 13
You don't have to drink to have fun. You can have fun without alcohol.
taniamw 9
Think of your abs and their beer bellies ;)
Wiz_Of_Oz 17
When you are a highly-paid professional and your friends are flipping burgers because the booze fried their brain cells, reminisce on these calls with them. On the phone.
queerdragon 20
My cousin has a master's degree and she is "flipping burgers" because of the economy. Just because someone does a menial retail job does not mean they are stupid.
Kukua 5
That is a completely unnecessary reply. He clearly said they would be flipping burgers because of fried brain cells from booze. He didn't say "oh yeah, and everyone else flipping burgers also has fried brain cells because only stupid people do that job". He wasn't generalizing anyone. Yes, we are all aware some highly educated people do menial labour because of the economy - but that has nothing to do with this comment.
unhappyhug 11
Kittys Meow
TyT63 12
gj for keeping clean though
junkman6 22
Poor bastard OP! Don't worry it ends eventually then you take those idiots to a bar and show em how a military man drinks. Might suck now not being able to get shitty with your friends but you'll learn some good things there.
ghil15 8
hahaha thats what you called real friends, for sure they miss you OP
NodakN8V 25
I was in the U.S. Navy 8 years and each time I came home to see friends they were all doing the same things...your academy is only a short time. I've seen 13 different countries on 3 different continents during 2 deployments. The things I've seen and done they haven't even dreamed of yet... Just don't be a douchebag officer...fresh out of the academy doesn't trump field experiences.