Today, I had to clean my house to hide the evidence of the party I threw last night. I attempted to clean the puke stain on my carpet while still drunk. I didn't realize until this morning that the All Purpose cleaner I used was actually All Purpose Adhesive. The evidence is now glued to my carpet. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I'm using mold and mildew stain remover on my mattress, all because I threw up on it drunk, and was to lazy to clean it up when it happened. FML
Today, I drank cocktails and shots. On the way home, I had to pee so bad that I only got to the front door and peed all over our carpet. My mom saw the whole thing and my dad saw the aftermath with the super drenched carpet and shoes. My mom had to mop the floor after I ran to the bathroom. FML
Today, I decided to do a good bit of spring cleaning. When my apartment was finally spotless I went to lie down. I woke up later to find my drunk flatmate passed out in a puddle of her own puke on the living room's carpet. FML
Today, I remembered my mom got her carpet cleaned and to be careful while she was at work. To be nice, I vacuumed the whole house. Feeling proud of myself, I got a drink and went upstairs. I tripped and spilled red Kool-Aid all over the floor. FML
Today, I cleaned my house after a big party. Everything was great when my parents came home. Except for the bottle of hot and spicy mustard next to the shampoo in the shower. No one knows how it got there. I'm busted because of mustard. FML
Today, it was my first day as a vacuum salesman. While I was demonstrating how well it removed stains, I managed to smear stuff over the area I was cleaning. So not only was I unsuccessful in removing the original stains, I left them with worse carpet than when I got there. FML
Today, I finished painting my living room. I had to leave the house in a rush. When I got home, I found smears of paint all around and the carpet crusted with paint that had dried. My cat had rubbed up against the walls and tracked it around. FML
Today, I woke up to find that I'd left my clothes in my roommate's bedroom. After returning from a night of heavy drinking, I apparently got up to use the bathroom and used her room as a toilet. I don't remember this, but pee stains don't lie. FML
Today, I was quite happily glossing my new bathroom door, when my useless, alcoholic, housemate came rolling in, knocked the paint over, stood in it, and without realising, walked it all the way down the stairs. I had just had a brand new carpet fitted. FML
Today, I woke up after passing out at a very small house party. I'd set a three drink limit, but apparently nobody listened, because there were beer cans everywhere, half my stuff was on the floor, and someone had shat in my bathtub. I had to clean all of it up alone. FML
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Top comments
bluelabeled 0
YDI. :/ since it seems like you're far too young to be throwing parties anyways (since you're getting rid of the evidence?).
E40_fml 0
Maybe you should be sotally tober before you clean.
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Comments (57)
last12win 0
Removal: Acetone. Oddly, I've done the same thing. Acetone will remove it. $1.99 at CVS or Riteaid.
Seventytimeseven 0
Hahaha you must have been smashed OP that is a fairly epic fail
boroprincess18 0
Why didn't u just say you got sick and couldn't make it to the bathroom in time???
soozjw 2
YDI, but that really made me laugh :)
Bertha5 0
IEP.
FML191919 3
Dumbass do it wen ur sober. YDI for doing that while ur drunk
ooohlife 0
fake
mr_miyagi 0
just tell your parents you werent feeling good and puked and then you tried to clean it up
logieebearr 0
ya I threw a party about 2weekends ago..I didn't have to instantly get rid of the evidence but kick anyone out who gets wayy to shitfaced cause it sucks to clean everyones shit up..plus you shouldn't have gotten drink if the parties at your house your supposed to have a few drinks to watch and make sure shit doesn't get stolen,ruined,or broken..
TBee123 0
fYl? more like fMl. same thing happened to me on new years but at least you can actually make a decent excuse for sick. try having Blue WKD on your carpet. so yeh, having sercret parties is not something i recommend.