Today, I got a text from my neighbor complaining about my girlfriend and me being too noisy in bed. I'm at work. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my landlord sent me a text asking me to please keep it down because our loud Wednesday night sex sessions are disturbing other tenants in the building. Wednesday is my night shift every week so my wife is home alone, or at least I thought she was. FML
Today, my new neighbor asked if I could keep my dog from yapping during the evenings, because it kept him awake last night. I don't have a dog, but I apologized anyway. I didn't have the heart to admit that those are the sounds my girlfriend makes during sex. FML
Today, I saw my upstairs neighbor outside getting the mail. She asked how my day was, and then apologized that the sound of her baby's crying through the walls kept me up last night. Apparently she heard me when I yelled at 2am for her fucking demon spawn to shut up. FML
Today, and for the fourth time in a week, my 60-year-old neighbors have woken me up by having obnoxiously loud sex. Complete with over the top moaning and the headboard smashing against our shared wall. When I asked them nicely to quiet down, they laughed and called me jealous. FML
Today, my girlfriend left a message on my phone. It was just the sounds of her having sex with somebody. FML
Today, right after sex, my girlfriend apologized to the neighbor for the screaming. He thanked her for the entertainment. FML
Today, while entering the building I live in, I walked into my neighbor who winked at me and said last night must have been great. After I asked why, he said he could hear my girlfriend moaning and screaming, and that I must be pretty good at it. I was just coming back from a week overseas. FML
Today, I was having sex with a girl. She was really into it and not holding back on the noise...That is, until I received a text message from my little sister next door reading "If she is making that much noise, she is probably faking it...Trust me, I know." FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of my neighbor pleasuring himself. FML
Today, after 3 days of interrupted sleep, I confronted my new neighbor about the noise his wife keeps making during their "private time". He then let me know the noise is actually from his daughter, who's mentally disabled and isn't taking the move well. FML
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Top comments
EverestMelting 23
I would probably go to your neighbor and talk to him and make sure of exactly what he or she heard. Good luck and hope it works in your favor, OP.
BeastyMcbeast 19
Hopefully they were talking about at night and not at that moment. If they were talking about the latter then I'm sorry Op. That's not fun at all. Might be time to have a serious talk with your girlfriend if it indeed was the latter.
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Comments (81)
Durantye 8
Obviously validating what your neighbor heard and meant is first priority the 2nd is making a trip home early after asking your neighbor to take a picture if anyone leaves before you get home. Finally is either laughing about it over dinner or sulking alone after you break up with her.
dogsarentthatgreat 7
Oh damn
kalbrek009 20
I got a call like that once. It was exactly as suspected & described...she was cheating on me. I told my neighbor to call the home phone & ask to speak to him to let them both know that if been informed, I'd be home in 10 min & he'd better be gone before I got there. Was funny watching his half naked ass jump out of a back 2nd story window trying to escape only to land right next to me before I kicked him in his genitals with my steel toed boots...he never came back & she couldn't figure out why her "friend" wouldn't answer his phone anymore.
Colon_Man 17
And... you stayed with her?
AnnaLinject 10
#64 it makes no sense to hurt the dude. he didn't make a commitment to you. the only person responsible is the girl who cheated.
THEDARKLORDOFALL 17
Hard luck old chap
thewife5 19
She knew it wasn't you.. Giving you a heads up that your girls a tramp.
maiawetz 3
Lol that sucks
crzdcatldy 12
You're having sex at work? And your neighbors at home can hear?!? How loud are you two?!? ;) But on a serious note, I'm really sorry. Infidelity hurts so bad. Here's hoping your next gf is better to you.
Llamunkey 7
Probably their way of letting you know what is going on without getting in the middle of the situation...
deejflat 17
Not even at her place they did this at your place? Time for a new gf and new roommates
stellasue11 38
sounds like she should be your ex girlfriend, if thats what really happened