Today, I found three of my sister's dildos as I helped her unpack boxes for her new house. Jokingly, I said, "Why would you even need three?!" She actually explained. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out my younger sister is too cheap to buy her own sex toys, so she has been borrowing mine. I clean mine thoroughly after use but apparently she just puts them back in the box after she’s done, while they’re still wet. Not gonna lie, I threw up a little after she'd admitted it. FML
Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML
Today, my sister surprised me by cleaning my room and doing my laundry. She found my journal, condoms and vibrator and decided to share her findings with my family. Oh yes... she also shrunk half my wardrobe. FML
Today, I came home from work and found my sister using my vibrator in my own bed. FML
Today, my wife came back from her camping trip with her friends. I decided to help her out by unpacking her stuff while she used the bathroom. It's funny; I never knew that a dildo, a ball gag and an open pack of condoms were considered camping gear. FML
Today, as I was going to hook up with a sex friend, I discovered that my pack of condoms was missing. Then I saw my sister chewing out her two 10-year-old twins, who'd found them in my drawer. This how my family, who had visited me for family dinner, found out about my sexual life. FML
Today, my mother found condoms in my room. She asked why and I said, "Just in case." She started laughing hysterically. FML
Today, I walked into the bathroom and found my sister cleaning her vibrator. With my toothbrush. FML
Today, I was helping my brother clean his room. While putting clothes away, I found a box of thongs. They were mine. FML
Today, after the last few months of my sister living with me while she finds her feet, I asked if she could help me out by doing the washing up. Half an hour later, I walked into knee high dish soap foam in the kitchen. My sister was right in the middle, trying to sculpt dicks. She's 20. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Bricktothehead 21
You definitely walked into that one.
Eliseopwns 22
Ignorance is bliss, my friend.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (84)
sicksadworld1317 30
It amazes me how everyone seems to think the sole explanation is one ***** for each hole. ******, like penises, come in different sizes and shapes. What feels awesome one day might not be up your alley the next. Also, many women- lesbian, bi, or straight- enjoy strap on sex. Any ***** that goes in a butt should never be used in another orifice; most toys are made of porous materials and it's expensive to always cover toys with condoms. There's lots of reasons why us chicks have a sex toy collection, and it's not because all of us want every hole filled like what happened in the last porno you watched. Now there's an explanation for you!
SheepShoop_fml 20
Platinum silicone all the way. And sometimes glass... ...occasionally surgical metals... Things you can boil! Those are must-haves in my book. Industry needs to stop with most of the porous nonsense (some you can't avoid, wood's great but yeah, porous).
sicksadworld1317 30
I thumbed you up 83; I don't know what moron down voted you for giving entirely correct advice. The materials you mentioned are all able to be sterilized (short of wood, which you also mentioned) and are safe for all types of play once properly sterilized. I didn't mention this in my comment as many people, like me, aren't too keen on paying twice the price for medical silicone and metal over PVC or rubber. It ticked me off that someone thumbed you down for giving healthy and safe advice on sex toys. People need advice like that.
Emmers__27 7
You asked.
IWishIWasObama 12
The real question is why only 3?
Jack_Me_Off_Jerk 5
2 in the pink 1 in the stink.
shinikageWolf 15
One for the vag, one for the ass, one for the mouth. I imagine they're color coded.
CLT_420 13
Why'd you even ask smh
RAndEM 9
that's just disturbing,
nodai 13
Sometimes, suicide *is* the answer...
thisguy22 33
Just like Meg with her packet of hot dogs, sometimes people just want to feel stuffed...
iSaidPluh 2
that's awesome