Today, I found out why my cell phone has been going missing every night for the last few months. My sister has been "borrowing" it so she can hold it against her crotch and repeatedly push the vibrate button. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I came home from work and found my sister using my vibrator in my own bed. FML
Today, I walked in on my sister shoving her vibrating phone into her privates. Can't erase that image. FML
Today, I found out why my sister hasn't been answering my texts or phone calls. Her husband blocked my number on her phone. FML
Today, I handed my mother-in-law my phone to see the toy that I was going to get for my nephew. While she had the phone, it swiped away to my last search of… vibrators and sex toys. I have no idea if she saw it before she handed me my phone back, saying, "It went away." FML
Today, I accidentally pocket dialed my sister while I was masturbating. FML
Today, I needed money to go to the movie. I asked my mom if I could reach in her purse and grab a few bucks. When I opened up her purse her phone started to vibrate. I yelled over to my mom that her phone was ringing. She said the phone was next to her. I looked in the purse. It was a vibrator. FML
Today, my bitch of a sister broke my new phone, which took me months of work to earn. Her excuse? If I didn't want her to break it, I shouldn't have let her use it. FML
Today, my sister used my mobile phone to call her boyfriend, who is married with children. His wife found my number on his phone and thought that I'm my sister. Since then, she has been calling me non-stop, calling me a "prostitute" each time. FML
Today, my car went missing. My sister constantly asks to borrow it, so I called her and asked if she had it. She swore blind that she didn't, so I called the cops and reported it stolen. They soon caught her driving the stolen vehicle. She blames me and is now telling everyone I set her up to be arrested. FML
Today, I thought I felt my cellphone vibrating. Turned out it was just my girlfriend letting out a vicious fart against my leg. FML
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Top comments
WeeWizeL 0
So, what's all the buzz about?
TurkeyBaconLovin 0
didnt notice the smell?!
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Comments (132)
TurkeyBaconLovin 0
didnt notice the smell?!
anorexicbarbie 8
28 Wanna stop replying to the first comment? Thanks. :-)
fizzypop14 3
that was a pretty legitimate response. someones got their panties In a bunch.
Ramses3 6
maybe her monthly gift arrived.
littlejord007 0
it's only against the rules if there reply has nothing to do with the comment they replied to, which it did so don't be a bitch
FriskyCoconut 0
uhh not all smell...
anorexicbarbie 8
Ha.
anorexicbarbie 8
Hm.
zoraman5 3
couldn't* care less.
anorexicbarbie 8
Bazinga!
ghost303 3
However, it seems to be perfectly ok for anorexicbarbie to post two-character responses to a comment she (?) shouldn't be able to read given the apparent lack of most normal brain functionality. amirite?
Sadochan 0
Give me the number of your sister.
BlueEyed1019 12
^ pedophile
emilybaby2012 0
139- Hahah I agree<3 37- You're a stupid bitch.
Kallik 0
hey I'm at the top of the list! but what does OP stand for?! and OP, that sucks
anorexicbarbie 8
People sure are strange these days...
aronamanora 0
anorexicbarbie, you need a new hobby besides jumping on FML and being a complete tool. On a related note, this FML made me cringe a little.
anorexicbarbie 8
Wow you're right 186, you've got me all figured out. You should like be a psychologist or something like that.
Eunomia_fml 0
anorexicbarbie, "People sure are strange these days..." Oh yes, but your "Ha" and "Hm" comments were not strange at all. (hope you picked up the sarcasm.) And by telling her not to reply to the first comment makes you a hypocrite for doing the same thing.
Rando77 0
Ha. Hm.
liv2laugh721 0
Haha sheldon!
WeeWizeL 0
So, what's all the buzz about?
ThatGuyThing 0
oh I see what you did there you sneaky bastard
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Im pickin up good vibrations, Shes giving me excitations, Good good good good vibrations!
iTerrorized 4
I can't find good signal down here guys :( no matter how much I move..
lemoncows 2
can you feel me now?? ;)
Hayman68 4
c-c-c-c-c-combo breaker! lol and you lost the game!
AmberBri 8
Lmao. Nice. :D
Shippou 10
133 and op I am disappoint
vacantcanvas 0
very punny
drugfreebaby 1
love the picture :)
kgj6 0
oh sick! How did you find that out?!
babygurl329 0
i dont want to know...
you_failed 15
That would have excited her more.. (if it was on vibrate) :X
Kallik 0
hahaha yeah..
NzaHaFML 13
I can't help but say #41 is really cute. ^ ^ btw, there's a lot of buzz going on w/ 1st comment
FYLminerocks 7
Wouldn't you like to know?
kgarci07 0
ew /:
Hanimon 0
ikr, gross -.-
JosherMan 0
You should slather it with hot sauce, on the parts that it won't hurt, and let her borrow it just on more time.
MrRawwr84 0
hahahaha Win!
xoxoMEGANxoxo 13
haha yeah
anon2468 0
or itching powder...
sunnysurfchick 0
love your idea
jhillmoney 0
or even bengay, it hurts soo good.
WolfAttac 0
Lmao
OrientlSoldr 0
Ahhhh... good clean family fun.
roeallen 11
it's great when families can get together to share vibrators... I mean experiences.
FMLPanda89 0
lol personal experience? ..... omg.
afdude87 6
time for a new phone.
CAPTmok 7
agreed that phone cant be touched...... arrghh!!!
snowfox_fml 10
she's only twelve...
sockymcfrogz 3
IKR. I know a few 12-year-olds who think "damn" is a swear word and don't watch anything above "PG".
dramayall 0
I also know some 12 year olds who hooked up in middle school bathroom stalls and got knocked up!
jrsgreenfire257 0
i also know a twelve year old called sockymcfrogz... Haha lmao
daeval14 0
Actually it's quite common for twelve year olds to start masturbating.
PancakesEqualLov 0
I know 40 something year olds that yell at me when I say crap, gay, that sucks, freaking or oh snap. they also happen to be bible thumpers.
james_aka_frosty 3
damn, I never would've guessed.
SnailFist 5
I'll admit I'm almost 13 myself, and some girls are already drinking, vomiting, and having sex.
cperagui 18
you can't vomit at twelve? I guess I was an early bloomer
Flammin8 0
anyone remember that 11-or-12 year old kid in the UK that was a father?? It the news..I'm sure he's not the youngest father.
lovinit5683 0
I'm 15, and I know girls who are 12 year olds that are pregnant. And 11-12 is when most people start to **********.
SpankyMcThrust 6
Why did I thumbs up the 12 y/o who's pregnant comment?...
ObeyTheSnarf 0
@#61 True.
techweed 12
that's what makes her the epickest sister ever
techweed 12
that's what makes her the epickest sister ever
BlueEyed1019 12
12 year olds **********? ew
Gabbymcbride 2
Uhm, how do you know she's 12?
ganksta_ikm 1
81 What the hell does vomiting have to do with 12 doing bad stuff?
ganksta_ikm 1
81 What the hell does vomiting have to do with 12 doing bad stuff?
educky 3
uh no that's. not something to " ew" at
Coalke 5
That's old. The first time I vomited was when I was 1. Kind of a normal thing for babies. Those girls had some weird resistance to it.
cacheson 42
I think that's supposed to mean vomiting on purpose. Like with bulimia.
cperagui 18
I started masturbating at 9 or 10..
marc_with_a_c 3
Well at least you know you can either buy her a vibrator or a cellphone for her birthday
Nandito2 0
yes^^^^^
iwrestlebears 0
win!
KrissyGal 1
1 ah 2 well at least she knows how to make herself happy 3 new phone time