I'm a goober

Today, I decided to clean my entire apartment. While vacuuming, I sucked up something big. I didn’t realize what it was until later when I couldn’t find my engagement ring. I digged through a vacuum bag full of dust, crumbs, and mystery hair, only to realize it was on my finger the whole time. FML

Today, my dog pooped on the floor, and the Roomba my sweet boyfriend bought me as a housewarming gift, ran over it. FML

Today, we got a new Roomba. I set it to clean and came back an hour later to find shit smears all over the floor. Apparently, one of my cats had done his business in the kitchen, and the Roomba had dragged it around the entire first floor of my house. FML

Today, I found the $3,200 engagement ring I dropped in my yard. I ran over it with my lawnmower. FML

Today, a woman somehow managed to drop her wedding ring into the garbage at the fast food place where I work. I had to search through a full bag of half eaten food and soda to find it. FML

Today, while I was going to the bathroom, my engagement ring fell off into the toilet, which then automatically flushed. FML

Unhygienic or he's a natural hunter-gatherer

Today, I found my missing wedding band inside my 2-year old's pull up. It was accompanied by two coins, a Hot Wheels car, a pebble, and a dead bug. FML

Where is it??

Today, I noticed I'd lost my wedding ring after returning home from a long, tiring day of painting our newly purchased home. After driving back and forth to the house for more than an hour to go looking for it, I found it tucked away in my back pocket. FML

Today, my wedding ring came off in a Walmart bathroom and fell into the toilet. It was an automatic toilet. It flushed. FML

Panic on the streets of Sydney

Today, I thought the ring my boyfriend bought for me had fallen off while emptying the trash into the bin. After panicking and emptying a week's worth of rubbish onto the ground, I found my ring safe and sound. On my other hand. FML