Today, I came home to find that while my husband and children were mindlessly watching TV, one of our dogs got into the cupboard that stores the deep fryer. He got the lid off, ate all of the old oil and barfed everything up on the couch. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went home for lunch. Upon opening the door, I smelled something horrid. My dog had opened his cage, eaten all the dog treats, and had diarrhea all over my bed and bedroom floor. FML
Today, I made dinner for myself after a long day full of annoying family drama. I had the pan sizzling away when I went to grab some herbs from the fridge. As I turned around, I tripped on the rug, sending the entire frying pan of food flying into the air. It landed directly in front of my never-endingly hungry dogs, so I watched as my ruined dinner disappeared. FML
Today, my dog got his head stuck in a container, panicked, and shat himself all over the living room. FML
Today, I came home to find my dog had learned how to open our fridge. He ate the birthday cake I was saving for a friend's surprise party, and to add insult to injury, he'd also apparently thrown the barely digested cake up all over my bed. FML
Today, I was craving some comfort food, so I grabbed a bag of nachos from the cupboard and sat down to binge-watch Netflix. As I opened the bag, the chips exploded everywhere, spilling all over the couch, and floor. I spent the next half hour picking up crumbs while my dog and cats happily ate the scraps. FML
Today, I came home to find that my dog had figured out how to open the fridge again. He'd helped himself to raw eggs and crab. FML
Today, I fell asleep while watching a movie. My puppy took this opportunity to help himself to half a gallon of vegetable oil. FML
Today, while taking out a jar of mayonnaise, it slipped from my hand, landing on its lid, exploding, and covering both of my dogs from head to tail in it. Terrified, they fled, leaving a trail of globs of mayo. After cleaning both dogs and the house, they both threw up from eating too much mayonnaise. FML
Today, I came home to find the dog had learned how to open our stair-gate and kitchen door, devoured the entire fruitcake I'd made for a special occasion, and then vomited said fruitcake all over the fabric sofa. FML
Today, I sat down on my couch with a nice cool beer after a tough day at work. I tried opening a bag of chips. The bag exploded, covering me in chips and crumbs, turning me into a sticky human nacho. Well, my dog certainly saw me as a snack, and I had to shower and change clothes. So much for relaxing. FML
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Top comments
iemislayer 10
Why do you have oil in the frier sitting in the cupboard??? It should always be drained before storing away
starcable 9
wow if I was the husband and my wife came home to that she probably kill me for not noticing something like that.
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Comments (82)
limitedition 25
She must have got that one from the new book "101 lame excuses to break up for idiots"
hellobobismyname 24
Lol I don't think you're in the right FML.
BntyHntrSeattle 30
I'm gonna go with... wrong post??
21jason 9
19 I'm gunna go with illiterate.
MeLikeBigBoom 8
I think your dog may be some kind of cat variant.
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
TV really does kill brain cells.
toaster012 17
Gross.. Time for the new couches you ways wanted!
toaster012 17
Always**
WaywardDaughter 26
YDI for not cleaning out the old oil from the fryer. You should always clean out the old oil, even if you might reuse it.
rfvyhn 14
That's why I have no pets.
beehardxcore 26
Why did you leave the oil in there? That's gross and unsanitary,
sniken 14
I'm sorry, but I'm not following that train of thought. How can it be unsanitary when the oil would be re-heated to 200-300celcius? Gross and disgusting yes, but all germs would die.
pheebs314 17
Time to put baby locks on your cupboards... Especially if you're going to leave something so tempting at dog level.
SWC_Penguin 17
I like when people add insulting adjectives to other people's activities that they probably also do themselves. When the kids watch TV it's "mindless." I'm sure the OP watches TV too, but calls it something else. Like, if she'd been home when this happened it would have been "when I was relaxing in the living room, the dog got into the fryer in the kitchen."
curlstar 6
I think OP meant mindless in that they weren't minding what was going on around them. I have a tendency to zone out, or be mindless, when I watch TV, too. Once, a former bf realized this and started calling me a "retarded kitten." I didn't notice until everyone started laughing. Still, I think a dog vomiting on the couch would snap me out of it.
asb818 14
For everyone commenting on how gross or unsanitary it is to keep used oil in a deep fryer, unfortunately, you are wrong. If you follow the directions, you are supposed to filter the oil, wipe the fryer with a damp cloth, then put the oil back covered and kept in a cool dark place, The only problem I have with the OP is she left it accessible to her dog. If you're going to keep something where a dog or child can get to it then you should use a child-proofing device
Raesin 21
It's just an indication of who still lives with their parents and doesn't do their own cooking. They'll learn eventually.