Today, I came home from working twelve hours straight. Feeling rather frisky, I attempted to seduce my wife upon arriving home. She said that sleep was better than sex and went directly to bed. It was only 6:30 PM. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to work late. Due to delayed trains and a missed connection, it was almost midnight when I finally got home. When I walked into the bedroom, I found my girlfriend wearing sexy lingerie and fast asleep. FML
Today, my wife spent all day texting me dirty things so I used some of my holiday hours to come home 3 hours early for some sexy time. During my drive home she got in a bad mood, and no longer wanted sex. FML
Today, after working a 24-hour shift I was finally able to get some sleep. Not even an hour after falling asleep, I was woken up by my drunk husband humping my leg. FML
Today, I was dead tired and just wanted sleep, so I jumped into bed the second the day's chores were done. Of fucking course, this was the day my fiancée decided to end our eight-week dry spell and came in wearing sexy lingerie. I couldn't stay hard due to exhaustion, and now she's been crying. FML
Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML
Today, I got home at 6:30 after a 12-hour shift. I sat down on the sofa, and my wife immediately stomped in and said, "Why are you sitting doing nothing? Get up, there's a million things to do." FML
Today, I came home from work tired and horny, and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go make love. While all she had done all day is lay on the couch and watch television, she said, "I'm too tired, why don't you just go into the bathroom and grab a quick wank." FML
Today, it took me two hours to put all the kids to bed, so all I wanted to do was watch TV but my husband, who'd spent all that time asleep on the sofa, started pestering me for sex like he thought he deserved it after I'd asked him for help 3 times before just doing all the work myself. FML
Today, my husband woke up in the middle of the night feeling frisky. He woke me up, got me all hot and ready to go, then before I could get into position he fell back to sleep, leaving me to fend for myself. FML
Today, our daughter fell asleep early, so my husband and I decided to get frisky. He passed out mid-blow job. FML
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Top comments
genius_man16 1
Rejected. Maybe you should be better in bed? Or maybe it was just one of those days for your wife? Idk, lots of explanations, but unless you haven't gotten any for weeks this really isn't an FML.
mattmag 0
So take a nap with her, cuddle and whatnot, then **** when you wake up.
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Comments (128)
PureGold 0
Maybe she just doesn't feel like having sex every time you get horny? It's not the end of the world. x(
mattmag 0
So take a nap with her, cuddle and whatnot, then **** when you wake up.
littlehowl 0
i hate it when people make lame excuses... if she doesnt want sex why not just say it
coffeennicotine 0
#4 is an idiot. She may not have felt good, or she could have been tired. And YDI for saying "frisky". If you said that in your attempted seduction then that would be why she went to sleep instead.
Shinyminey 0
Get a new wife.
stop_whining 0
So YOU were disappointed because YOU worked a long day and YOU wanted to have sex. Did you even bother to find out what kind of a day she had before you tried to **** her? A little less self-involvement and more consideration for your wife might do wonders for you, your relationship, and your sex-life.
rukusrazor 0
I'm just going to guess that you are the g-spot champion. or What, she didn't have 2 minutes for you?
I2OI3 0
Sounds like you need to start hitting up craigslist casual encounters buddy!
manderina 0
you must not have a lot of married friends, or you can't have been married long. most of the time women get tired of ******* when they're married. actually , we get tired of it generally. married or not. this isn't really an FML because this happens to everyone, it's not exactly a rare incident.
jillz 0
Ahahaha! Did you shower thoroughly and brush your teeth first? Or did you come up to her, harassing her all stinky, greasy, and nasty? You didn't make her feel guilty for saying 'no', did you?