Today, I began to choke on a large pill while my mom was in the room. Hoping that she would help me, I began to make a lot of noise. After she completely ignored me, I threw my body over a chair, saving my life. At this point my mother asks me to shut up because she can't hear her friend. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had one of the worst panic attacks in years. I was worried nobody cared about me and that I had completely messed up my life. I was hyperventilating and crying hysterically. My mom walked by my room, looked at me, and said, "If you're going to make those noises, at least shut the door." FML
Today, while sitting next to my mom at a restaurant, she told me to stop moving and making so much noise because, "It's distracting." The noise I was making was me breathing. I'm not even allowed to breathe. Guess I'll die. FML
Today, I crawled into my mom's room to tell her my stomach was in massive pain. She ended up throwing me out of the room while spraying me with Lysol. My appendix was about to burst and I needed surgery. FML
Today, while my friends were over, my mom took too many of her pills and walked around the house nude. She then bit me. FML
Today, I went to Walmart with my mom. At the checkout line I was eating a bag of chips as my mom bought her stuff. I inhaled while eating and I started to choke. The cashier asked me if I was OK. My mom just waved her hand, and said, "Sometimes she does that for attention, ignore her." FML
Today, I was singing while lying upside down chewing gum. My dad was trying to focus on the current football game and hushed me. I yelled, "No!" resulting in my gum becoming lodged in my windpipe. I shut up after all. FML
Today, I was drinking from a water bottle while in a lecture. The water caught in my throat and it felt like I was choking to death. Instead of asking me if I was okay or trying to help, the guy sitting next to me told me to shut up. FML
Today, my daughter wanted to show me the tooth she had just lost. As I was in a rush to leave for work, I quickly picked up and swallowed my pill that was on the kitchen table. It was only until I looked back down at the table did I see not only my pill, but one extremely angry daughter glaring at me. FML
Today, I choked on oatmeal, watered-down soupy oatmeal. It seemed to get stuck halfway down. I chucked up several spoonfuls. My wife was oblivious to all the noise I was making because she had her over-the-ear headphones on, listening to some stupid YouTube video. FML
Today, my mother took a bunch of sleeping pills, then went driving. I followed her and dialed 911. Now she thinks that I was "trying to get her arrested," and she refuses to talk to me ever again. FML
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Top comments
Phalankx 0
Shoulda played dead for a while
plaidrabbit 0
I'm going to assume that by "making a lot of noise," you meant banging on stuff and maybe throwing something, because if you were vocalizing, you weren't really choking. But still, I know how scary that feeling is, and it sucks your mom was a bitch about it.
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Comments (189)
wbrycem 0
42 - 32 here, and yes, I can read. ____________ "Were you making noise by coughing? If you were, you weren't choking and were fine." ____________ May I refine my earlier statement. How about we stop assuming that by the OP saying "I made a lot of noise," means that the OP was coughing. If he was choking, he obviously wasn't making coughing noises, genius. Or maybe he was ... just because you're choking doesn't mean you can't cough. From the definition that I read, anyways (using my "reading comprehension," which I have "[got]," thank you). So, long post made short, why would you even say that? Talk about redundant.
Light_Ty 0
You should have died to teach her a lesson...oh....wait... JK Hai, that is pretty harsh =/ She didn't even realize you almost died! BTW, something like that almost happened to me too... except the teacher actually tried to use the Heimlich Maneuver on me but barely used any force ( it felt like she rubbed my belly o.O)...and ALL of the kids left the room as I chocked, and even turned off the lights...and someone gave me water to swallow it down but just made me choke more... if I hadn't COUGHED it out, I would probably be dead...that should probably be an FML :P
aback 5
Remind her that you're probably going to be the one picking her nursing home.
Tehalon 0
Thats what drugs does to you! :O
Stephbabes89 0
FYI if you can make noise and cough, you're not choking
Glam_fml 0
Haha, this is too funny. I can't believe how many morons are on this site. I know it's been stated numerous times (I actually read the comments before I post), but for all you idiots out there, using your vocal chords IS NOT THE ONLY WAY TO MAKE NOISE!!!! Honestly people, try using your brains every once in a while. I know you all think it's cool to call FMLs fake (for reasons I will never understand), it's not. Sorry to burst your self absorbed bubbles. And, if you must call an FML fake, make sure you have sound reasoning behind it. Otherwise, you are just proving how much of a dumbass you really are. kThx
b0rnxfam0us 0
okay, for all you "smart kids" out there. try shutting your mouths for a minute. can you make noise? sure. clapping, stomping your feet, or hitting other objects are all making noise. is it coughing? no. how about you use common sense. and throwing yourself over a chair would be the proper thing to do if no one is around or in the OP's case, paying attention. you put the corner of the chair back underneath the sternum/above the belly button and apply pressure. I am amazed by the lack of intelligence of many of you. and I'm only thirteen, too, so it must be pretty satisfying to learn that a seventh grader is smarter than you.
Goldfinch86 0
All of the people calling bull shit. Making noise also means banging on things and pushing furniture,clapping and stomping on the floor . I don't think they meant actual yelling. You people act so ******* smart but never consider more than one side and being rude to the FML person. Sometimes I don't know why people even bother putting things here because so many of you are too focused on being negative and being bullies to people who are just looking to get their story out there, not to get sympathy but just let everyone know this stuff happens and get a laugh.
emodude44 0
Your mom seems to be so kindhearted and loving. Your so lucky to have her *sarcasm* Don't be offended by this but what would she say if you died? "Oh get up and stop being a drama queen" FYL
FUCKTHIS92 0
lmaoooo omggggggg :S shess meannnnnn..... no kiddddingggg lmaooooo thatss reallllly saadddd lollll