Today, I asked out a guy at work that I really like. He just stared at me and said, "Honestly? I'd rather smash my balls with a mallet. No offense." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I asked the man of my dreams out on a date. His response: "I'd rather eat my own balls." FML
Today a cute coworker asked me out to lunch but I said no because I know how unattractive I am, and didn't think he wanted to be seen with me. He got really pissed and told me that I needed to work on my self-esteem. I just blew up something that could have been wonderful. FML
Today, I hit it off with this really sweet, attractive guy. He asked me a question that I felt uncomfortable answering, and I had a complete mental breakdown like a menstruating teenager when I declined to answer. This is why I'm single. FML
Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He's smart, attractive, and has a steady job. Imagine my surprise when he accepted. Then imagine my surprise when he followed up with, "Hah, just kidding. You're fucking BORING!" FML
Today, after many years of being single, I finally worked up the courage to ask my coworker out. He said no and gave me "fair warning" that he's going to report me for sexual harassment. FML
Today, I asked out a girl that I've liked for a while. She thought I was joking and laughed, saying, "No. Have you met yourself?" FML
Today, I asked the guy I share a desk with at work out because he has texted me a few times and seemed pretty into me. He said he doesn't date coworkers, even though the last 5 people he's dated have been coworkers. FML
Today, I told my crush, who I've liked for a while, that I liked him. He looked at me in pure terror and walked away. FML
Today, my boyfriend of over a year looked at me and said, "Sometimes I just want to hit you." FML
Today, I was rejected by my crush at work, because I'm "too ripped." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
DocBastard 40
"As you wish." Asshole.
Fireashes250 16
What a douche. He could have said it nicer. You definitely dodged a bullet there OP.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (110)
jaysvn 2
a simple "no" would have sufficed. but really, don't overthink it OP..maybe he just likes to tenderise his sperm.
thatdangmexican 18
If that's what he wants, do it.
chris4u2nv5 19
Then you should have smashed them for him. What a moron!!!!
Ragefat 14
Kinda hard not to take offense on that.
Dodge4x4Ram 46
when you offend & say no offends,, it doesn't make it better
Dynosaur_dollie 38
of course it does, just saying no offense immediately removes any possibility of the other party taking offense. Didn't you know that?
Poppipuff 14
If it has been translated from french to english, I can't think of anything that could be translated to 'no offence' other than "excuse me but I'd rather...", where we apologize for the offence. Op could also be working in an english-speaking environnement though.
dontgivafuk 9
you sir, with all due respect, are an asshole.
theknozzle 14
Might as well give the guy what he wants.
SaintJimmyxx 8
"no offense" ha
The_Thinker 18
"I'm about to figuratively take the most wretched, hurtful, offensive-smelling turd all over your emotions and feelings of self-worth." "But no offence, of course."
mariepastyglue 30
That's true, but what's with all these guys who have no respect! That's why women always say there are no good men, and guys like you and the ass the Op dodged are perfect examples of that statement.
kenjenkei 32
Be nice and indulge him then. C: