Today, during an interview, I was given a list of items and asked which items I would take to a deserted island. When I chose a Bible, the interviewer asked why. I replied, "So I can burn it." What I meant to say was, "So I can use it to start a fire if the trees on the island bear fruit." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after months of unemployment, I got an interview. It went great until the recruiter asked if I had questions. Trying to sound thoughtful, I asked, "What do employees dislike most about working here?" The recruiter laughed and said, "That's a unique way to phrase that." I spent the rest of the interview wondering why my brain chose violence at the worst possible moment. FML
Today, I went to a job interview and had a brilliant answer prepared for a common job interview question, but as soon as the interviewer asked what my main qualities were, my mind went blank and I blurted out, "I like turtles." FML
Today, while playing with a lighter, I jokingly told my boyfriend I would burn his mustache off. He responded by telling me he would burn off mine. FML
Today, I thought it would be fun to climb a tree. My older sister also thought it would be fun to set the tree on fire. FML
Today, I had a job interview that I really wanted to nail. Everything was great until the interviewer asked me why I left my last job. I meant to say, "I felt it was time for a new challenge," but instead I said, "I felt tired of pretending to care." The look on their face was priceless. Needless to say, but I don't think I'll get the job. FML
Today, my shirt caught on fire when I was burning paper for my ancestors at the cemetery. FML
Today, my boss told me to not burn the place down while she was outside. When she came back inside, I accidentally started a fire. FML
Today, during a job interview, the interviewer asked me to “describe a time I overcame a challenge.” My mind went blank. After 10 seconds of silence, I blurted out, “Once, I tried to cancel my gym membership.” FML
Today, I told my fiancé that I don’t believe in God, so I won’t be going to church anymore because I’ll be picking up the Sunday shift at work. I don’t have a fiancé anymore because I’m, “a godless heathen who will burn for eternity.” FML
Today, I went on an interview for a job that I had been wanting for months. I thought everything was going great. On my way out, my interviewer asked me to recycle something for him. I agreed. It was my resume. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Sonofaquiche 9
Phrasing, honey, Phrasing...
oreosaretoocool 18
Everyone gets nervous O.P but surely a match or lighter would have been a better answer?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (47)
Kitsi 14
So edgy......... herp derp I wanna burn a Bible.
Charlizard1030 15
How about you just respect others' religions? YDI
acmariner99 25
What you should have said: "a book about how to build a raft"
Mondays 27
Just so you know, the Bible doesn't burn wery well. A friend burned one once when we were young. But still, I hope you got the job anyway!
SKYstlimit 11
if that were really the only reason you should have just said book
mrBearBear 11
Why do you need to start a fire for fruit? It's fruit, just eat it. That 2nd statement doesn't make any sense to me o_O
lucasj23 11
if the trees bear fruit? what the hell does that have to do with a fire? I dont get it