Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my two parrots decided that my head was the best place to have sex. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML
Today, my boyfriend's parents' parrot won't stop imitating my sex moans, and keeps doing it whenever I speak. FML
Today, I was showing off my new pet bird to my friends over video chat. I opened the cage to demonstrate how friendly he was. Instead of perching on my finger like usual, he flew out the window. I spent the next hour chasing him around the neighborhood in my pajamas. FML
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, her pet bird whistled a tune she'd been trying to teach it. She stopped and congratulated it, and I took the chance to move it to the other room to prevent further distraction. She got mad and wouldn't let me back in bed because I just "untrained it." FML
Today, it was my first time with a new boyfriend. We had sex in my living room. He asked if he could "eat my pussy." This has became my parakeet's new favorite phrase. FML
Today, I have to look after my best friend's parrot for a few days. One minute out of the room, I came back in to find out that the parrot had taught my three-year-old the word "slut". Now the two won't stop screaming "slut" throughout the whole house. My wife thinks both learned the word from me. FML
Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML
Today, my pet parrot learned a new trick. In addition to imitating my dog, and my voice when I call my mother, it can now imitate my sex noises, and likes to screech them whenever someone comes into the room. FML
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Top comments
BlameTheOwls 14
Not gonna lie, that's a great image.
kiki1705 20
Is he having a hard time teaching them? =)
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Comments (126)
HannibalL3cter 5
There are weirder fetishes out there.. Just saying:)
calvinbenik 15
It is hard to maintain a boner that long without extra support, let alone when you're druk. Kudos to your bf!
fader48080 10
I was just thinking the same thing.
RedPillSucks 33
edit:wrong place
boris984 4
Sicko!
2i1337i2iscore 13
A brave man... Brave man
liesseling 13
Is there a video?
qnmt 9
Throw a search in Google. I bet you'll find more than one ;)
Shandra78 9
Ask him "Have you ever been bitten by a parrakeet?" Watch him go limp with three sets of needle sharp claws digging in to their 'perch' as they try not to slide off...
WhiteZoneRedZone 6
I think he would have had more luck if they were Cockatoos.
NPN_Scorpio 16
Polly wants a pecker.
KarlwithaK91 12
if he was at all successful, he might regret that one in the morning haha
LeBandit 20
this is something I have a "hard" time to wrap my mind around