Today, at my college, someone snatched my laptop out of my hands, so I chased him. Turns out I'm so overweight and slow that he moonwalked away facing me, while I sprinted my heart out. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while I was walking home from work, it started to rain. Clutching my bag in one hand, I started to run so I wouldn't get too wet. I saw a man running towards me and all of a sudden he tackled me to the ground. He thought I had stolen someone's handbag. FML
Today, as I exited McDonald's after a quick lunch, a man in a jogging outfit ran past, snatching my handbag right off my shoulder as he tore past. He must have been at least 50. I broke down utterly exhausted before I could chase him even a single block. I'm 24. FML
Today, feeling out of shape, I went for a jog. I got mugged. FML
Today, I was sitting on my bike texting when someone snatched my phone and ran. Like an idiot, I jumped off my bike and ran after him. He then ran in a big circle, got on my bike and sped off. FML
Today, while being robbed, a man heroically chased down the robber and got my purse back. He then looked at the distance between us, turned the other way and ran off with it. FML
Today, I felt a tug on my backpack and found my wallet missing. A nice stranger pointed to a guy running down the stairs and said "There goes the guy who took your wallet!" I ran to catch the supposed offender. The 'nice' stranger was the actual offender distracting me as he got away. FML
Today, I got banned from my school library after I ran after a guy who stole my bag. FML
Today, knowing very well that I need to be more active, I went for a walk. It quickly turned into a sprint when I was attacked and chased by a dog. FML
Today, I had my college graduation ceremony. As I was walking across the stage, some asshat, in front of over 55,000 students and staff, brazenly ran across the stage, snatched my diploma up out of the president's hand, and ran off. FML
Today, I was walking through a rough part of town, when a woman screamed that I'd stolen her bag. I was tackled to the ground by a large guy, who then gave my bag to her. FML
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Top comments
syki 22
Good. That means you got an excellent look at his face for the police report.
oobergoober89 16
I think its about time for a diet. Sorry about your laptop OP
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Comments (62)
ViviMage 40
Never carry a laptop like that. I have a bag where the shoulder strap goes over my head. Also protects to some degree if I drop it. Use the gps security on the laptop (which you have right?) and report with its serial on the bottom sticker. And hopefully it starts up with a lock screen. My laptop has all this, even if all I did was take pictures of it with the sticker.
scottishoatmeal 22
This is just sad
mattrd_fml 31
sorry about your laptop op, but ydi for allowing yourself to get so overweight that you can't even run.
catherinecas 30
Hope you had everything backed up!
patlopez719 9
Lol
Emiweb 9
People are seriously saying you deserve having your stuff nicked cause you're overweight? Really? What's to say you'd have caught the guy if you were thinner? Hope you get your laptop back.
RedCronos 17
Possibilities like this are why I try to stay in shape. You never know these days.
analbeadlicker 14
How ******* overweight do you have to be where walking on earth is like walking on planet nam (dragon ball anyone?)
kingshelly 24
Being overweight doesn't justify someone stealing from you. What the **** is wrong with people.
Ruskiy_Cherep 18
I mean thats pretty ****** up but I gotta hand it to the guy, thats an epic way to outrun someone