Today, at my college, someone snatched my laptop out of my hands, so I chased him. Turns out I'm so overweight and slow that he moonwalked away facing me, while I sprinted my heart out. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while I was walking home from work, it started to rain. Clutching my bag in one hand, I started to run so I wouldn't get too wet. I saw a man running towards me and all of a sudden he tackled me to the ground. He thought I had stolen someone's handbag. FML
Today, as I exited McDonald's after a quick lunch, a man in a jogging outfit ran past, snatching my handbag right off my shoulder as he tore past. He must have been at least 50. I broke down utterly exhausted before I could chase him even a single block. I'm 24. FML
Today, feeling out of shape, I went for a jog. I got mugged. FML
Today, I was sitting on my bike texting when someone snatched my phone and ran. Like an idiot, I jumped off my bike and ran after him. He then ran in a big circle, got on my bike and sped off. FML
Today, while being robbed, a man heroically chased down the robber and got my purse back. He then looked at the distance between us, turned the other way and ran off with it. FML
Today, I felt a tug on my backpack and found my wallet missing. A nice stranger pointed to a guy running down the stairs and said "There goes the guy who took your wallet!" I ran to catch the supposed offender. The 'nice' stranger was the actual offender distracting me as he got away. FML
Today, I got banned from my school library after I ran after a guy who stole my bag. FML
Today, knowing very well that I need to be more active, I went for a walk. It quickly turned into a sprint when I was attacked and chased by a dog. FML
Today, I had my college graduation ceremony. As I was walking across the stage, some asshat, in front of over 55,000 students and staff, brazenly ran across the stage, snatched my diploma up out of the president's hand, and ran off. FML
Today, I was walking through a rough part of town, when a woman screamed that I'd stolen her bag. I was tackled to the ground by a large guy, who then gave my bag to her. FML
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Top comments
syki 22
Good. That means you got an excellent look at his face for the police report.
oobergoober89 16
I think its about time for a diet. Sorry about your laptop OP
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Comments (62)
tnlander 20
Buy a cheaper replacement laptop if needed and spend a little on a gym membership. Remember: when running from danger you don't need to be the fastest, only the second slowest.
itsme82 18
You said that in a very kind way. The world needs more people who think like you.
ThatHorse 15
And when running towards danger, as the OP was, you only need to be able to run.
Zebediabolical 45
You can make sure you're not slowest by not being afraid to 'accidentally' trip someone who's running away with you.
meegal 12
If this wasn't a sign then I don't know what is. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings but come on man that's just sad. You really need to improve yourself by losing some weight. I say this with the best intentions, not to harm you emotionally. Your life will be a lot better if you are more healthy. Start living your life the right healthy way and you'll both look and feel better I guarantee it. Improve yourself OP. You can do it!
BlockOfRedStone 25
As someone that used to run track, I can say that someone that can run a 6 minute mile could outrun someone backwards like that if the other person could only run a 10 minute mile. It might not even be as sad as we think it is, the person that took OP's laptop might just be that fast.
Leauge 13
You saw his face so you can now describe him to college security and the police.
Brandi_Faith 34
And go talk to the dean, see if you can ID him from a yearbook or school picture or see if there are any security cameras that recorded it. He'll probably get suspended or thrown out for stealing, not including the fact that you can also press charges with the police.
alwaysstabbing 19
topkek you fat **** go exercise
GarfieldDaCat 5
thats what happens when you eat too much lasagna
dhiran_singh 16
With spinach and feta cheese
DrowningLessons 19
I fell you. :_(
JpTheGreat23 19
YDI
GhastlyLeek 11
He was a smooth criminal
coltmerriman 15
Sucks that your laptop got stolen, but YDI for not working out. Does your campus have an open gym?
itsme82 18
Op, I'm sorry your laptop got stolen. Make sure to file a report with the police. The fact that he moonwalked and humiliated you infuriates me. I hope he gets caught. Big hugs!!