Today, at a restaurant, I ordered the best chocolate soufflé on the menu, which was called "Double Satisfaction". The waiter asked me what would I like to order. The words that came out of my mouth were "Double Orgasm". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was eating at a nice restaurant. Feeling curious, I daringly asked for the surprise "Maiden's Dream" dessert. The waiter came back with a banana between two balls of ice-cream on a plate, and no spoon. FML
Today, I think I had a mini orgasm when the baker told me that the chocolate croissant I'd just chosen was still warm. FML
Today, I was at a restaurant and confidently ordered in what I thought was fluent French. The waiter stared at me for a second, then responded in perfect English, "Dude, this is an Italian restaurant." FML
Today, while eating at a restaurant, I commented to the waiter about how large the pizza was. He then writes down his number, pats his crotch fondly, and informs me that "everything" I'm going to find at that restaurant is going to be big. He was serious. FML
Today, I was on a date in a fancy restaurant. I tried to show off my skills by ordering our meal in French, since some of the dishes had french-sounding names. The waiter replied in fluent French and I have no idea what he said. FML
Today, I had two surprises for my boyfriend who was at work. One was a dessert and the other was sexy lingerie. He chose the dessert. Then told me I was an idiot. FML
Today, I went to have dessert with my boyfriend. We ordered some Jello. I said that I loved Jello because it is so fun and jiggly. My boyfriend said, "Like you. Except the fun part". FML
Today, while I was working at McDonald's, a man and his wife ordered a Sundae. I gave the guy his sundae and realized I'd forgotten something. I said, "One second sir. Let me grab your nuts." I realized what I said when his wife gave me the death glare. FML
Today, I went out to eat with my girlfriend. The waiter came up and was being nice. He said, "What can I get you two gentlemen?" FML
Today, I went to a fancy restaurant and couldn't pronounce any of the menu items. FML
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Top comments
Doortje 30
So, what did he serve you? His **** on a plate?
DocBastard 40
Cum on, I refuse to believe that you suck so much that something like this spewed out of your mouth. If it did, that truly blows. If not, it's definitely a load of horseshit, your head isn't screwed on right, and you should get in your Hummer and go down the street to the spa for a facial.
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Comments (127)
duburich 0
did she give u her number? lol
MaddlyBeastin 0
fatass
neonsugarXx 0
I LOL'D.
natalie_ays 0
I think she should be relieved that she didn't ask for a double penetration... Now THAT would have been embarrassing. Pft, double ******, yes please.
drop_dead_69 0
lmao:D
xoxoMEGANxoxo 13
WIN
lonely3mo 0
this is quite possibly the funniest fml I've ever read
cyanidesandwich 21
i beleive the term is double penetration
whoa150 0
mmm i'll take 2
Mnj30 0
Freudian slip