Today, as I sat down in the plane, I realized that for the next seven hours I would be sitting next to a priest who refused to stop praying aloud, and an old man who wanted to tell me the story of how the toothpick came to be. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, within the first 15 minutes of a nonstop 8-hour flight, the guy sitting next to me picked an eyelash he found on my face, stared at it for a few seconds, and stuck it in his mouth. FML
Today, on the airplane, the kid behind me kicked my seat hundreds of times, while the big bald guy next to me farted deadly ones repeatedly. I was on a non-stop 14-hour flight. FML
Today, I was at the airport walking around, killing time. There was a man about twenty years older than me who kept on eyeballing me, and it really wasn't flattering. I get on the plane and guess who I get to sit next to. FML
Today, as I sat down for my flight, I realised that the passenger I had to sit next to for the next seven hours was wearing a necklace made from tampon packaging. FML
Today, while using the bathroom on an airplane, someone walked in on me wiping my butt. That person just so happened to be the stranger I was sitting next to. It was an 8 hour flight. FML
Today, I boarded a trans-Atlantic flight by myself, and struck up a nice conversation with the passenger across the aisle. Before we even took off, the man in front of me unbuckled, stood to face me, and asked me to please shut the hell up. "It's a 9 hour flight, and you're VERY loud!" FML
Today, I was sitting on a plane waiting for everyone to get on. A cute guy around my age had the option of sitting next to me or an old guy. He gave me a horrified look and immediately sat next to the old man. I got to sit next to his mother. She evil eyed me the whole time. FML
Today, I'm on a 14-hour flight, stuck next to a large man whose rancid body odor is eclipsed only by his constant flatulence, which he loudly blames on me every time. On my other side is his friend who laughs like a moose at everything. There are no empty seats and no-one will trade with me. FML
Today, as a flight attendant, I had to deal with a passenger staring at a stewardess constantly and masturbating. His wife was sitting next to him and didn't mind. FML
Today, I had a several-hour-long flight. I was put in a seat at the very back of the plane. Before the plane even lifted off, a woman took a dump in the bathroom that I stank for the rest of the flight. Whenever I tried to get some sleep, the flight attendant walked past, savagely jostling me. FML
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Top comments
Bonzer 2
Maybe you'll learn something new about toothpicks. I have no idea about their story and I would like to know.
LappDance 16
I hope you brought headphones!
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Comments (142)
DracoSpirita 21
At least you can turn it into a joke! A priest, OP, and toothpick-guy are sitting on a plane...
gracehi 33
So then the priest said, "Whatever you do, don't sell that cow!"
JustKittyKat 24
Toothpicks > letting the priest engage you in a seven hour long religious debate. But, I also feel bad for the priest. It sounds like he is terrified. How about you try controlling the conversation if talking to either of them is inevitable?
gracehi 33
I think a religious debate would be more fun than learning about toothpicks. But that's just me I guess...
KiddNYC1O 22
Ask flight attendant for seat reassignment.
nutorious 1
I hope when im flying back to canada something like this wont happen to me.
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
I hope you have some loud metal music on your iPod to listen to. Or just fall asleep.
olpally 33
That's when you order some booze from the flight attendant... A lot of it!
Irishgypsy 2
But not a martini. That stupid toothpick for the olives will start the store all over again
Irishgypsy 2
Sorry!!! Story not store
olpally 33
I got it... Lol, I'm not a grammar nazi.
outoftown 27
And I thought being stuck between two aircraft engineers was bad... Sorry, OP.
mylifeawreck 1
It's ok.
Enslaved 38
Best way to stop someone from talking to you is act like you can't hear them and ask them to repeat what they said over and over. They'll get tired of not getting their story out and stop talking to you. I've tested this many times and it works like a charm!
Dave23 6
i would get really annoyed too if i was in his postion