Today, I rescued a little boy who looked like he was drowning in a public pool. His mother then smacked me in the face for "touching him". FML

Today, one of the children at my daycare came up to me and bit me on the face. He laughed so hard at my scream, that he threw up in my lap. FML

Today, I had dinner with my boyfriend's family. His 3-year-old nephew came running for a hug. At the last second, he darted past my arms and bit me on the ass. FML

Today, I was walking to class, when a kid came up behind me and smacked me in the face a few times until I fell to the ground. I rolled over and he said, "Oh shit! Wrong person, my bad." FML

Today, I went to the pool with my son. One moment I'm sitting down, applying sunscreen to my legs, and the next I look up to see him squatting on the diving board, seconds before dropping a deuce into the pool. As we got kicked out, he screamed that it was my fault. FML

Today, I was babysitting my neighbor's kid. We were playing in the yard, when he fell and got a small scratch on his leg. I gasp, and he takes a huge breath in and yells, "FUUUCK!!!" as loud as possible. The parents thought it was me, and the mother slapped me in the face. FML

Sorry sweetie

Today, instead of kissing my child's boo-boo on her finger to make it feel better, I accidentally headbutted her. FML

Today, I tripped over a kid at work. She was sitting on the floor with her legs sticking out into the walkway. Her mom caused a scene, accusing me of doing it on purpose. FML

Nice try

Today, me and my friend were following this hot lifeguard around a waterpark. In the wave pool, I decided to be cute and "accidentally" bump into him during the waves to start a conversation. As I prepared to do this, a large wave pushed me off my feet and I fell face-first into his butt. FML

Today, I was at a public pool. A very fat kid yelled, "Cannon Ball!" He jumped right on me. FML